A Father's Daughter

Chapter Twenty-Three: Spencer's POV

One Year.

It's been a year since Cara's confession that she is the daughter of George Foyet and I still remember the day like it was yesterday.

When she initially told me about her paternal genealogy and her plans to destroy the BAU, I was so overcome by anger and frustration that I couldn't even look at her. Then when she screamed that she was in love with me and that's what changed her path, my heart stopped beating.

I remember the look on her face, her eyes wide, mouth barely open with the tips of her fingers lightly touching her bottom lip, as if she couldn't believe what just escaped them. Everything moved in slow motion after that. She stumbled slightly into my chess table, not breaking eye contact with me. It took everything in me not to run over to her, pull her into my arms and tell her that I love her too.

But I stayed frozen in my place. My anger cemented me there. I couldn't even look at her until I heard her apologize from the other side of the room. My eyes met hers and I could see the tears pooling within them as she told me how sorry she was for everything. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

It wasn't until after she left crying and the door was shut that my legs gave out from under me and I fell to my knees sobbing. I was so angry and hurt and confused that all I could do was cry. Cara is the daughter of George Foyet, possibly the most devastating unsub that we've faced to date. But she's also the woman whom I have fallen so deeply in love with. My mind couldn't grasp the concept that she can be both, so I forced myself to choose one.

I decided not to share her secret with anyone else, it wasn't my place and I didn't want anyone else to deal with unnecessary pain. I knew she told Hotch when she requested the transfer but other than that, everyone else was still in the dark. For that week, I had to force myself to focus on the betrayal that I felt rather than the heartbreak because if I allowed my focus to shift, I would have shut down. So, I avoided her at every turn and when I did look at her, I reminded myself of what she wanted to do and who she was willing to harm in order to do it.

But once she was gone, after she wasn't around everyday, my heart took over. I tried to ignore the hurt at first. I threw myself into work and hyper-focused on every case we had until Hotch pulled me aside and asked if I was using again. He thought that my mania was caused by Dilaudid but it was so much worse than that. I confessed to him that my breakup with Cara was hitting me harder than I wanted to admit. Hotch told me to take a few days to get my head right and to come back when I was ready.

That week, I could barely get myself to get off my couch. The heartbreak consumed me and I didn't know if I'd survive it. I laid there and tried to turn off my brain but all I could think about was her. She's everywhere in this apartment.

I would look around and see her reading in the chair by the window, drinking tea with me in the morning at the table, cooking in the kitchen with my arms around her waist. Us cuddling on that very couch, stealing kisses and dancing in the living room to different records, but her favorite was always Elvis Presley 'I Can't Help Falling in Love'. I could almost hear her softly singing along as lays her head on my shoulder and sways to the music with me. We would allow the rest of the world to drift away. In this place, we were the only two people in this city and we were in love.

I couldn't go anywhere without thinking about her either. All of my favorite places, the bookstore, the deli, and the park, all have too many memories of her. Fuck, I still can't even go to a museum without being reminded that they make her feel safe.

I wish I could hate her, write off our relationship as just another plot in her scheme but I can't. Yes, she's the girl who lied to me but she's also the one who has made me feel more alive than I have in years.