apostasy | the mandalorian

ēpīlōūgē

"Come on, come on..." she whispered, leg bouncing restlessly against the polished floor. Her elbows dug into the flesh of her thighs as she gripped the small stick. Tears pricked in her eyes, and the short time it took for the test to come back felt like eons.

After months of being happily integrated into Mandalorian civilization, she and Din had started trying for a baby. He was still holding her bare body under the blankets of their bed when he asked for the first time.

"Do you think you're ready to try?" His lips pressed bashfully into her hair, the timid smile hidden in her frazzled waves.

She nuzzled further into his chest, trying to fight a frown that threatened to ruin the moment. It wouldn't be the first time her past abuse had interfered in their relationship, and it certainly wouldn't be the first time she worried about the effects it had on her body.

"We won't know until we try, kar'ta," Din encouraged, easily reading her mind.

Evri sighed. Despite her worries, she did want kids, and she knew how wonderful her husband would be as a father. Not to mention how good he would treat her while she was pregnant.

"We can try, cabur. But..." she paused, tilting her head back to meet his eyes. His finger instinctually went under her chin, holding it tenderly as he promised,

"Nothing could make me stop loving you, kar'ta."

Now, she was sitting on the vacc tube alone after three failed tries, waiting for a Manda forsaken stick to decide her fate.

Din would have been there, like always, but he could only stay away from the Guild for so long before he had to go back. He promised to only take the safest jobs and come back as soon as he could, insisting she comm him if anything went wrong, but it was still hard for both of them.

Luckily, he was there for the last three tests, holding her as she sobbed until he was crying too. He'd whisper how sorry he was, how he wished he could make it better, but it did little to comfort her. Nothing could fill the unbearable emptiness she felt in her womb except-

beep

The lights on the test flashed once at her before falling dark, a small screen revealing the words she was dreading.

not pregnant

Her mouth screwed up in frustration as her eyes filled with hot tears. In a fit of rage, she threw the stick against the wall, smashing it into pieces. She crumbled in on herself, pressing her chest against her thighs and wrapping her trembling arms around her legs in utter distress.

Din was supposed to come home that very day, and she would have loved nothing more than to tell him they had finally been blessed with a child as soon as he walked through the door. Now, all she could do was cry.

She didn't know how much time had passed from the moment she stepped into the bathroom to when she ended up on the floor, curling in on herself and refusing to get up. No amount of aching bones and screaming muscles could make her move; she was simply too exhausted.

"Kar'ta?" a deep voice called from beyond the bathroom door. His boots clomped noisily across the floor to where the light was shining, ending up on the opposite side of the metal barrier.

"Can I come in?"

Evri sniffled, "Yeah."

The sliding door disappeared into the wall, revealing her fully armored husband looking down at her. He sighed, the heartbreak evident in his tone. In moments, he was taking off his helmet and sitting it on the counter.