Come home

Chapter 16

Ada's POV

Doctor Yang advises me to stay in the hospital for her to observe my condition so it won't get worse. But me being stubborn I choose to stay in the house. I only have a few moments in my life and I don't want to be stuck in that hospital bed with tubes and wires attached to my body.

I'm in the shop with Frank. Michelle didn't want me to go to work, but I can still help them. "You didn't tell them, aren't you?" Frank asked me handing me a glass of water. I shook my head. "They deserve to know, Ada. Especially your mom." He said. "For what? To ruin the moment? We're already okay, nothing will change if they knew, I'm going to die anyway" I counter back.

"Will you at least for once stop being so negative, we can find a cure and you have the best doctor in town," he let out, I know he's annoyed with my negativity but this is it. "No, this is the truth, Frank. There's no cure and I don't want my body to suffer more." I said looking down at the water, ice is already melting like my hope that I'm going to live.

"So that's it? You going to give up like that?" He asks. "Do I have a choice?" I said. "You have plenty of choices but you still choose death!" He shouts. I was taken aback by what he said. I flinch because he shouts at me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout. It's just you are giving up already"

"I don't want to, it's just everything is going smoothly, everything is fine, mom and I are just starting to build a good relationship. Everything is fine and nice, I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to waste it because of me." I said.

"We have a bunch of options, but we can't have it if you keep everything to yourself. You have to tell them what's going on. They deserve to know." He said. "I'll find a good time to say it," I said. "Tell them everything before it's too late" I nod.

----

I'm strolling down the street finding something I don't even know. I think about every decision I make I regret every bad and mistake but I have nothing to do with it other than to accept and move on.

They deserve to know but they didn't deserve to be hurt because of me. I hate it. I fucking hate it.

I buy a bouquet nearby and candles. I go inside the cemetery finding my sister's grave. The cold wind greets me, maybe welcoming me to this place. I run my sight to this gloomy yet peaceful place. Leaves are scattered around, some grave has no flowers, full of dead leaves.

I finally found her. I caress the tomb and place the flowers in the vase. I lighted up the candles and take a seat. "Hi, twin." I greet, take a deep breath before speaking again. "Okay straight to the point, I'm dying. My heart is getting weak, mom didn't know, everyone doesn't know it. Well except Frank. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to say it to them, but if I didn't say, one last thing they remind of me is that I hide my illness to them." I said.

"Come on, your good at giving me options of what should I do. What should I do?" I ask to hope for an answer but to disappoint I got nothing. "Silly me," I said bitterly.

I talk non-stop. I said everything; I talk about Paul, my mom's relationship with aunt Liz, my results, what my doctor advised, and how tired I am.

-----

My feet bring me to Paul's house. I'm a bit hesitant to knock, but I did it anyway. After a few more knocks, his mom opens the door. "Ada, what brings you here?" She hugs me after giving me a hug and kiss on the cheek. "I was wondering if Paul is there?" I ask. "He's here. Come in, wait for him in the living room." She said and I go inside.

I sit on the couch waiting for him, this is it. Fuck. I don't know what's going to happen next, but there's no turning back. I'm already here.

Why this man is so slow just like a snail? I'm here for 10 mins now. I'm about to call him when I heard footsteps. I look at him and he's topless. His shirt is on his shoulder, is he just got out from a shower? Oh, God.

"Oh, hey Ada. What brings you here?" He asks. I'm not looking at him. Well at first then I looked away. "To remind you to put a shirt on?" I said asking. "Aw shit," he said, "I forgot, I'm sorry," he said and walk towards me. "So what brings you here?" He asks, I ask myself the same question. I take a deep breath, "can we talk? I mean outside while walking?" I ask, im fidgeting, I have anxiety I can't help it.

He agrees and we're walking god knows where. He waits for me to talk, I can't form any words because I'm terrified at his reaction. He can sense my uneasiness so he took my hand to acknowledge that is okay. "It's fine, take your time," he said. I gulp, fuck.

"You know I have asthma right?" I ask him, he nods. "Then?", "well I just found out that it got worse and I have heart failure," I said. Looking straight to afraid to gaze in his eyes. He stops in his tracks. "Your joking right?" He ask laughing, he didn't believe me. "I wish I am," I said finally staring at his, now full of pain and sadness.

"Did your mother know? What did she say? Your doctor? We can cure that right? We can right? Please tell me we can" he mumbled begging. This is why I don't want to tell it. His eyes started to fill with salty tears.

"I didn't. I don't think I can. My doctor said my condition got worse, she even advised me to stay in bed but here I am walking on the street. The cure? We don't know, the medication she prescribes is doing a little work for keeping me alive but not enough to make me stay" I said.

I wipe his tears, I'm crying also. "Why- why you didn't tell me this sooner? You're not trusting me?" He ask, I shook my head. "It's not like that, I didn't trust myself, were living the moment, mom and I got close, we took everything good and slow, but I guessed everything you planned doesn't go the way you do it," I said, our forehead touched, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to" I apologize.

"Then let's go to the hospital, we can beat the heart failure, we can do this together, come on," he said holding my hands and starting to walk. I just stood there. "Come on, Ada. Don't give up." He encourages me. Holding my hand.

I shook my head stare at him as my tears fell, as the rain started. The weather is joining my gloomy, scattered, and weak heart. Every droplet is more painful than expected. His eyes beg for me to walk and continue, to fight and to live.

"Can we stay here? Can I just stay here? Spend the rest of the days here?" I ask. 

_________

Everything is just good at the start, then eventually it will fade like dust. Vanish in the thin air feels like it didn't happen. You only realize everything when it's too late. The only thing you can do is to accept the fact that everything you have is temporary. Then move on.

See you in the next chapter.
-jade