In Bloom

Cuts

Charlie took a drag out of another cigarette as he stared down at his phone. He had already gone through four sticks and it was making his throat dry but it gave him something to distract himself. He has gotten no word from the so-called love of his life, he honestly shouldn't even expect it.

Alpha was Alpha, he did what he wanted.

The words from his father warning that something like this would happen rang in his head. That Alpha wasn't a man to be trusted. That putting all this trust in him and moving to another country to make a life with him was ridiculous. Charlie couldn't help it; everything about Alpha was so enduring. They went through so much together and Alpha knew everything about him...

He knew about the trauma he went through as a kid. He knew how he lost his eye. He knew about his constant anxiety and depression. That it has been so bad that he even tried taking his life before.

And most important he knew one of the most closeted secrets he had. That Charlie was born a girl. Something that Charlie tried to hide from everyone. Something he was honestly ashamed of.

It was so nice to find someone that was able to accept him for all these things despite not always understanding fully.

Losing Alpha was going to be like losing a part of himself and right now, it pissed Charlie off more than anything that Alpha was so careless with his heart. It was like he didn't care that he was this important to him.

Still Charlie loved him.

And Charlie still wished that he was okay.

It still has been about two days since he woke up to that letter. The letter that led to the most intense panic attack of his life. He stayed in his bed since then and it was hard to get up even to eat. It was pitiful he was like this, he wished that he could be a brave boyfriend. A boyfriend that would have gone after him. Charlie wasn't anything like that though. He was always a disgrace. A crybaby that hid like a child under the sheets.

Charlie was so spineless that he didn't even have the balls to go against Alpha's wishes and call the police or tell anyone else. He couldn't even answer the phone to Alpha's mom. Why was he so god damn afraid of making Alpha mad? Even after Alpha has hurt him.

He could only hope Alpha was going to come back with that stupid smirk that he always held. The medications he was supposed to take were far from his mind, the only thing he could think of were worst case scenarios of what was happening outside of his home. He finished his cigarette, extinguishing it slowly as more tears formed in his eyes.

Charlie buried his face into a pillow, wishing that this was all just a hyper-realistic nightmare. He wished that he could wake up and find Alpha's arms wrapped tight around him from behind. Weak noises of misery left his throat as he wondered what Alpha was thinking about. Did his fiancé expect everything to take such a giant toll on Charlie? Or did he assume that he was semi-okay? Charlie didn't know, he didn't even know if Alpha's heart was beating at the moment.

All that he could do now was to sob bitter tears into his pillow.

______

Beta groaned in pain as he closed the car door, his tired eyes staring forward into the darkness for a moment. A single sniff tore through the air as he sat quietly. He went over today's events in his head to think about what had really happened. After the first gunshot it was all a mental blur for him. Beta exhaled as he drew the horrifying conclusion that Alpha's death was just like Senpai's.

Both of them lost their lives so fast and abruptly, they both came into his life again just as he promised himself that things will be better.

Beta's eyes scanned the car quietly, looking down on his wound, watching it create a dark spot on the seat. The pain was starting to wash over him more as he came to realize the situation.