I hate you. (Jeverus/Snames)

The friends and the foes

          Once again, as usual, James Potter was the only thing on Severus Snape's mind.  Why did he always think of him? Was it because of how awful he was, or was it something else, perhaps?  He just couldn't stop thinking about his pleasant-looking dark hair, how it danced in the wind when he— wait what?  He wasn't gay, especially not for potter; he was as straight as a line!  A line!  But, was he?  Yes, yes I am! he thought bitterly, anger building up within him.  Why was he even considering this?  He was already a terrible, horrendous person. He did not need another bad trait.  Besides, Potter was a putrid person.  Severus thought of the countless times Potter had bullied him in his previous five years, and in his present year.
          Stuck in his thoughts, it was quite a shock when he'd bumped into something, or rather, someone.  "S-Sorry," he muttered, rubbing his eyes. He then swiftly backed up once he'd realized who he'd bumped into, JAMES POTTER! CRAP!  he thought, ashamed of how he had apologized to the boy.  "Ge-Get away from me, Potter," Severus angrily stuttered. 
          Potter grinned.  "Well, well, well, if it isn't clumsy, stuttering, Sarah,"  he said, emphasizing Severus' dead-name, knowing quite well that what he was saying was highly transphobic.
          Severus was used to Potter's appalling behavior, yet he was fiercely offended and his blood still boiled.  "HOW DARE YOU?"  Severus loudly screamed, getting quite some attention from other students who were just trying to make it to their next class on time.
          Severus saw Potter's troublesome smirk, and he felt himself snap.  He pulled out his wand, pointing it at the other boy.  He gripped the wand with such strength it felt as though he was going to snap it like a simple stick. "Sectumsempra!" he wanted to shout, but he knew it would not do him any good, it would be rather bad.  Besides, there were many professors around, It really would be quite ugly.  He thought about the consequences of his actions for a moment before potter dragged him from his thoughts.
          Before he could think of a good curse to do on the dark-haired boy, Potter had a large smirk on his face, "Expelliarmus!"
          As the wand flew from his long-fingered hand, he felt a sense of dread, how could be so stupid?  He let his guard down!  As Potter advanced toward him while he was picking up his fallen wand, a familiar ginger friend of his, Lily Evans got between them.  He picked up his wand, and instead of hexing Potter, placed it back in his pocket.
          "Don't start fighting!  Stop being such a bloody jerk, James!"  Lily angrily shouted.  Severus became worrisome for her, expecting the other boy to harm her, but quite surprisingly, Potter just scowled and walked away.
           Lily turned to Severus and said, to his relief, "Are you alright, Sev?"
           "Yes Lily, thank-you,"  he gratefully said.  Severus heard the other students shuffle along, bored that the soon-to-be-fight was over.  He heard them chatter to one-another quite loudly as they passed.
            "Let's go, Severus,"  Lily said, grabbing hold of his hand and leading him to their next class, which just so happened to be his favorite of them all, potions with Slughorn.

         Once their classes were finished, they spent Thursday afternoon reading and doing homework together underneath a tree.  Severus glided through his potions book, writing down ideas and things he'd learned.
         Thoughtfully, Lily said, "Sev, do you think it was 'A' or 'D' for the transfiguration homework?  They both seem very similar."
         Severus sat upright and placed a bookmark into his book.  "Um, let me see,"  he said, peering toward the paper, which was supported by a black book with yellowed pages.  He stared, unsure which answer was correct.  "Uh," he said, thinking about the lesson. "I think it would be . . 'C.'"  He gently smiled at her, hoping he hadn't given her the wrong answer.
          "Thank-you,"  she said with a grateful, happy tone.  He observed as she pulled some of her long, deep-red hair behind her ear.
          Severus opened the leather book again, and dipped his dark quill into the black, midnight-colored ink.  He wrote down guesses as to what Sectumsempra could do.  He supposed it could be deadly, yet that was a mere guess and he wasn't completely cognizant of what would be the outcome of this spell, nor did he know a counter-curse. 
          He flipped past a few pages to where he had scribbled muffliato.  He cringed when he remembered what had happened when he used that spell on Black, Potter's close friend.  Black was swatting around his head, complaining that there was something buzzing in his ear.  Later, they and the rest of the 'marauders', as they called themselves, had tied Severus' foot to a tree.  Luckily, Lily was looking for him and found him there in that awkward, painful situation.  He had a headache the rest of that evening.
          "Lily?" he asked, looking back at her.
          "Yes?"
          Severus had something he truly wanted to tell her, but the fear of Lily being trans-phobic like Potter had stopped him from telling her sooner.  "Please, please Lily . . . D-D-Don't- I—I'm t—"  He sighed and took a deep breath.
          "What is it, Severus?"  Lily both looked and sounded concerned.
          Reluctantly, he let out, "I'm transgender. ."  Severus felt good letting out his feelings, but the butterflies that flew in his stomach still remained.
          "You- You're,"  she lowered her voice to a whisper, "transgender?"  She then let out an audible exhale.  "That's all? Severus, I thought you might've killed somebody!"
          "Yes,"  he muttered in a scared response.
          What she did next was quite different from what his head expected her to do.  She smiled for a moment, keeping eye-contact, then launched herself at him.  The book soared out of Severus' hand as he hugged her back. 
             "I genuinely thought you wouldn't be as accepting,"  Severus said, a goofy smile on his face.
            She smiled at him for a moment, "Why not, Sev?"
            "Well, it's just . ." he paused, staring out into space, ". . James."  And with that he returned to his potions book and started critiquing potion recipes.
            Lily gave Severus a soft peck on the cheek before dipping her quill in the ink and returning to her own work.  
            Lily was the only thing that could make Severus happy.  He couldn't help but surrender to the smile pulling at his lips as he leaned slightly against her.  Severus focused on his best-friend's scent, a comforting mix of Vanilla and Lavender, with a small hint of rose.  He couldn't imagine what would happen to him if he lost Lily, his Lily.  He didn't even want to think about it.

            That night, Severus lay awake in his four-poster, his brain straight-up refusing to rest.  His mind kept wandering to Potter.  He attempted to redirect his thoughts to Lily, but to no avail; his brain remained stuck to the black-haired marauder.  He began to grow tired and his thoughts decided to imagine Lily with a shirt-less James Potter.  Severus felt his face begin to burn. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? he thought and shut his eyes tightly.
          Although he would never reveal his secret to anyone—Not even Lily—his stomach would do cartwheels whenever he saw Potter.  If he told Lily his secret, she'd probably try getting him and James together or something unimaginable along those lines.
          Suddenly, his mind raced to another possibility.  What if Lily liked Severus?  Or what if she liked Potter?  Either could be possible, and Severus became deeply worried.  What if Lily thinks we are more than just friends? he thought silently, What if she's dating Potter and I just don't know?  But Potter would have rubbed it in my face . . . And with that, Severus began over-thinking.

         With an aching head, Severus sat up.  He'd barely managed to get any sleep and his dreams were full of fake scenarios.  He had to remind himself that it was all just his anxiety, and everything was probably fine.
He got ready and left for his first class, transfiguration with Mcgonnagal.  The class went by slowly, as usual.  It turned out that Severus was correct about the answer Lily had needed help with, when she had gotten her parchment back she gave Severus a subtle warm smile.
           Later, as Severus was taking notes, he noticed in his peripheral vision, Potter delivering a note to Lily using a sly twitch of his wand.  Severus went back to writing when he noticed Potter was about to look his way.  He stopped writing and just stared at the parchment, he focused on the sounds around him; a tired-looking Professor giving a lecture on three-step transfiguration, a couple of bees buzzing somewhere, and to his right, a hazel-eyed Gryffindor speaking to his closest friend, Sirius Black.  After zoning out, he went back to taking notes, knowing perfectly well there were some points he'd missed.
           The class dragged on, and on, until finally Mcgonnagal dismissed them and he went to his next class.
            In the hallway, he got stopped by a familiar red-headed girl, Lily.  "Hello,"  Severus greeted her warmly.
            "Thanks for helping me with the homework, Sev!"  Lily gave him a small kiss on the cheek before smiling broadly.
            The same feeling he got during class when Lily smiled at him reappeared.  "You're welcome," he answered her thanking, scratching the back of his neck thoughtfully, happy to have helped.  He locked eyes with her for a moment, taking in the beautiful emerald color. 
            "Well, see you later, Sev."
            "Bye."

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