I Choose The Heroine's Route

18 Burning

Looking at the beautiful roses, I let out a tired sigh.

After getting flocked by a lot of nobles – and after talking to them, to say that I'm tired was an understatement. Because I couldn't handle staying in the Party Hall anymore, I decided to sneak out to the garden when I was finally able to escape the nobles. Fortunately, the Duke and Duchess were busy talking to the guests so they didn't notice me.

However, I will definitely face the consequences of going to the garden later.

"Two face! Two face! Two face!"

– And Gaos who hasn't spoken a word since earlier is bothering me again. He likes calling me names I guess, but 'two-face'? I can't really say I'm not. Talking to people earlier while smiling hurts my cheeks. If someone would ask me why I did such a thing... it's because it's easier that way. Wouldn't they view me as someone less threatening if I act like that?

If I showed even a little bit of my true nature who couldn't care less about them – they would surely dislike me. They will think that I'll become a hindrance to them.

I'm just changing my attitude to match what they like. I guess it's something I learn from my past life.

It was also something I and the Heroine have in common. The Heroine, Anastasia Clovis. If only I could just avoid her and the capture targets, but I guess that's asking for too much since I'm the Villainess. There will definitely be some kind of plot science that will make me and them meet no matter what.

"But two face, I didn't expect that earlier," Gaos said and I waited, curious about what he would say next, "I really thought you would forgive your brother. He seems sincere." He said.

The original Aksia will surely forgive him.

But... "I can't forgive him."

"Why though? I thought you like playing games of pretend? You can at least pretend to forgive him, then maybe you can use him for your own benefits." He said.

"No, I don't think I can trust him not to betray Ak – me, again." Trust is really not that necessary for me to use him... but I just really don't feel comfortable about it. I wonder if it's because Hariz is my brother? Am I actually seeing him as a family because of Aksia's memories and feelings that are passed down on me?

"I noticed this before, but that's one of your flaws," Gaos said and I frowned.

"You can't trust people easily."

"My flaw? Isn't that a good thing?" I asked back. In that way, I wouldn't be fooled easily.

"Sure, but 'not trusting easily' and 'can't trust easily' are two different things. You also tend to push people away, you can get more help than this but you believe that no one will help you." I stared at the thorns of the roses as I listen to him. I'll... admit, I always had a problem when it comes to trusting people.

Deep down, I know that. But somehow, I just can't. I just really want to deny it. Maybe I'm scared? When you think about it, it's really silly. Me, who isn't afraid of death is afraid of trusting people.

"Why would anyone help me? No one will help me Gaos, only I can help myself." I said as I tried to reach for the roses.

"Whatever! I don't care anymore, you coward human!" I didn't give a response and fortunately, he didn't speak again.

Left with nothing to do, I chose to simply savor the silence – it was one of the few things I can confidently say I love because I'm not really fond of loud noises. Slightly spacing out, I let my right hand grasp one of the stems of the roses, and because of the thorns, it started bleeding. Strangely, I didn't hurt that much. Duchess Oceana's beating is probably more painful.