It's frustrating to feel like you aren't the one anymore. Like you don't matter anymore. You're just a burden on them. Anything you say or do makes them mad and then you get called names. You feel like your treated as if you're stupid. You're treated as if everything has to be a competition. You hardly feel that spark like you used to. You feel as if you can't even express yourself anymore. You have to cry all alone so no one can hear. It shouldn't be that way though. You shouldn't feel like you're a burden or just a friend. You shouldn't have names being thrown at you. You shouldn't break down at the thought of what you used to have because you should still have it. You should feel like you're someone's whole world. You should be able to feel the love. You shouldn't have to feel your heart break when you get called a name or told that you're annoying. You shouldn't have to feel any of those things. But you do, and you can't change the way you feel. You feel drained from trying your best but it seems that your best isn't enough. You feel yourself just wanting to pull away but you hold onto that little piece of hope that something will change. That it'll get better. That they'll fall in love with you again and not just love you. Because anyone can say 'I love you.' There is a difference. And you can feel the difference in the air. And you know it's getting bad when you aren't even excited for the one thing that means the most to you anymore. Christmas. You could care less now. Because you know you'll do something wrong to ruin Christmas. You just need to accept the fact that you'll always be in the wrong, no matter how hard you try. And the one thing that sucks the most is that you can't even express this to the person you're supposed to express it to.
