Unsent Letters-Deamus

Dear Dean,

Dear Dean,

I miss you so much .Do you miss me? No, I shouldn't ask that. I mean, I am being selfish now. It isn't important. What is important is that I make sure you know that you mean so much to me. If I don't make it out of this, I want you to know that I miss you so much. I miss being able to see you everyday. Talk to you everyday. It is this kind of stuff that makes someone realize just how much you should tell people how awesome they are. Tell them how much they mean to you. I guess, you don't realize how much someone means to you until you let them go. Or until you can no longer talk to them everyday. Until you can no longer see them. So, I guess that's what I am trying to say is that you mean so much to me. That you're my best friend and I don't know how I will be able to keep going. But if you were here, you would tell me to look at the positives. Tell me to keep going. So that's what I am going to do. I have good food, am amongst friends (although it is hard to think of everyone as friends when the only person I was ever really friends with is you), I have a nice bed, a roof above my head, and I am in the protected walls of Hogwarts. But turns out, none of that really means that much to me. Not without you here. I miss you so much. So much. OK, back to the positive, um, I am being taught spells. Being taught how to protect myself. I am safe. But now I cannot really think of that because I am not sure if you are safe. I am an idiot. I know. How am I complaining when you are running for your life right now? When there is death surrounding us? When there is a chance we will never see again? I have no idea how I could cope with not being able to see you again. The truth is, I don't think I could cope. And that kind of makes me angry. Knowing that I depend on you this much. I don't depend on anyone else. I don't really trust anyone else. How can I depend on you so much, if I do not trust anyone else? The truth is, deep down, I don't really know myself. I don't know anything anymore. I guess I just can never really figure out my emotions without knowing that you are safe. Maybe that is not why but that's what it seems like from my end. I am an idiot. And I don't even really know what I am saying. I think I am just confusing myself even more than I already was confused. Ugh. I don't even know what I am saying now. If you were here you would help untangle the knots in my mind. You always were good at that. Helping me to understand what was going on inside me, now I wish you were here to help me with my emotions now. I need you. I miss you. So much. I miss you so much. I hope that I see you soon. I would say 'I miss you' again but it is getting a little redundant. I am sorry.

Seamus Finnegan