Unsent Letters-Deamus

Dear Dean,

Dear Dean,

Here I am writing again, it seems to be the only thing keeping me sane right now. I miss you. I know I have said that a million times but right now I am wrestling with all of the things that I didn't say so I have to say everything right now. Turns out, I have no idea how to talk to people and socialize because I was only really friends with you and don't really know how to talk to anyone else. Like, it's not that I am bad at socializing or anything, I just can't really tell anyone else about my feelings. I spent forever talking to them about you and learning how to read your tics and stuff like that that I did not kind of learn how to talk to other people about my feelings. Luckily, Parvati is a pretty good companion but nothing compared to you, especially because she cannot be for me as much because she has Lavender. That's another thing I didn't realize. Did you just always give up your plans with all of your other friends and everyone else to be there for me? I don't deserve that. Did you give it all up for me? Is that why you and Ginny broke up? Because you dropped your plans with her for me so many times. Did she leave you because she thought that you were prioritizing me over her? Were you prioritizing me over her? If so, why? I am sorry for all of the times I acted like you just had nothing better to be doing when I needed you. That I never realized that you were dropping everything for me. To be fair, I would drop everything for you if you ever needed it, not that I ever really have or had anything to drop. I would drop everything, school, leave everyone here, to see you. That sounds foolish, doesn't it? I mean, I am basically saying I would leave all my other friends and my school, which is like a second home, for you, and that sounds pretty stupid. Doesn't it? But, that's what friends are for, right? SOmeone to always be there for you, to drop everything for you, to hold you when you need a shoulder to cry on. Have I been a good friend? Have I been a shoulder to cry on? I know I am being selfish again but, I just, I don't know. I want to know if I was there for you in case I don't get to see you. And talk to you. Oh, what would I do if that happened?! How would I keep going? I sound kind of desperate, right? Well, if I am being honest, I am kind of desperate right now. I miss you. I miss you keeping me happy. I never realized that you are kind of my rock, the thing keeping me grounded. That you untangle the knots in my mind. Help me understand what I am feeling. It sounds stupid, right? Well, I just never realized how much I depended on you. Never realized that I don't really know who I am without you. Is that crazy? I don't know. I just, I just, well, I am just confused. I am confused about what is happening, not really able to understand what is going on, not for lack of trying or stupidity, just because it seems to go in one ear and out the other. Because I just hear mumbles, not words. But writing to you is helping everything. If only you could write me back. I hope that I see you again sometime soon. I miss you.

Seamus Finnegan