In my Life

Chapter III

BARRY POV:

It's scary to realize that an incident has the power to change your life forever and that's exactly what happened to me. After that fight where Jordan got hurt, I wasn't the same. That same night, after waking up from what would be the first nightmare in a series of them, I decided that the best thing to do was to stop my superheroic life.

When I announced my decision to the rest of the team, which happened to be just me, Dr. Harrison Wells and Cisco Ramon, they were not very happy but they accepted and understood my decision. However, stopping using my powers seemed to be easier in theory than it was in practice.

Two weeks after I broke up with the superhero "Flash", I was walking down the street when I heard screams coming from one of the buildings. After a few seconds of indecision, I decided that I should do something to help, so I opted to use my powers one last time. Things didn't go too well though, as in the middle of my rescue, flashbacks of Jordan lying on the ground, dripping blood, came to my head.

Fortunately, the person came out of this situation without injuries, however I knew that I could not make a rescue again until my nightmares disappeared and my guilt did not lessen. But the next few nights were the worst, as I couldn't help but have nightmares about the incident. Whenever I fell asleep, Jordan's face came to mind. It was then that I remembered my only solution to find some peace, which was to go to the AMH.

The next morning I met Wells at our old laboratory and laid out my situation. Though he thought my decision had been a little rash, he agreed to have me as a patient in the asylum. As I didn't need to fetch anything from my house, I stayed in what would be my room.

One month later....

This morning, just like every other morning, I woke up around nine o'clock and went to the cafeteria to have breakfast. Unlike what happens with other patients, I like being in my room more reading a book or drawing. I was just finishing my breakfast when Wells sat down beside me to inform me that my new private doctor, Dr. Cailtin Snow, was arriving today.

After having my breakfast I went to the garden to get some sun and then I went to my room and started to read my book. It was nearly eleven in the morning when there was a knock on my door and I knew I was about to meet Dr. Caitlin Snow. As soon as the door opened, Wells and a woman appeared who looked about the same age as me, with beautiful brown eyes and brown hair.

- Barry this is Caitlin Snow, the doctor who will help you.

- It's a pleasure to finally meet you Dr. Snow. Dr. Wells spoke very highly of you," I said, smiling.

"The pleasure is all mine." Caitlin said, looking at me.

One year later....

This year has been intense and difficult for me but I confess that having Caitlin by my side makes everything so much easier. I admit that the first few days were the most difficult as I wasn't used to having someone look after me all the time, but then we got used to each other. During the day we do some reading sessions, sometimes in my room, sometimes in the common space, but most of the time it's even in the asylum's garden, sometimes we just take a walk in the garden, or play some board game . But nights are the worst, because of my nightmares.

I still remember accurately the first night Caitlin woke me up from yet another of my nightmares. At that time I was kind of used to having them, but it was the first time she had witnessed them, but what made me like her even more as a doctor and as a person was the fact that she offered to stay the rest of the night with me.

But what I still didn't know was that my life today would take another turnaround, but this time it was a very positive turnaround. I was in the middle of a game of chess with one of the patients in this asylum when Caitlin came to me and let me know she's going to have to leave for a few hours. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't sad about her leaving, but I know she has a life beyond these walls.

I had just arrived in my room, after lunch, when Caitlin knocked on my bedroom door and announced that I had guests. I found it quite strange since both Joe and Iris had left here only a short time ago and they are usually the only people who come to visit me. When I got to the visitors' area, I saw Jordan, who was the young man I had hurt on that mission, who was accompanied by two adults, who I assumed were his parents, and I had a giant knot in my stomach.

At that moment all I managed to do was shoot Caitlin a look of despair and concern, but she just flashed me a smile and motioned for me to sit down.

"I'll let you talk more freely." Caitlin said turning to the door, but I stopped her from doing it. I couldn't, nor did I want to go through this conversation alone.

- Please, stay here with me.- I said in a whisper and she did so.

"I..." I said, but Jordan cut me off.

"Thanks!" Jordan exclaimed with a smile.

- Why? - I asked quite confused.

- For saving me that day.

- But I left you in that state. - I said looking at Jordan's crutches.

- No, you didn't. It wasn't when you threw me into the bank entrance that I got this leg injury, but when the meta-human tried to get me out of your side. You saved me! I wanted to, by the way the three of us wanted to thank you that day, but you never showed up again.

- I didn't hurt you?

- No!

"I told you it wasn't your fault." Caitlin whispered in my ear and a smile began to appear on my face.

It was at this very moment that my feelings for Caitlin had changed. Since she came into my life a part of me was enchanted by her, but seeing what she did for me left me completely melted, so after making the decision to go back to my superheroic life, the only thing that I wanted and what made sense was for Caitlin to be part of our team.

After Caitlin left my room, I packed my things and said goodbye to this place that had been my home for this year. It was time to go home and who better than Joe to help me get home? I asked Wells to use the asylum phone and called Joe who was thrilled with the news and who offered to pick me up from the asylum.

- We left everything exactly as it was.- Joe said as soon as we entered my loft.- I'm really glad you decided to go back to being the Flash, but mainly to see that smile on your face. I didn't think I'd see him again so soon.

"Neither did I..." I smiled at the thought of Caitlin.

- I think I have a lot to thank your doctor for. She achieved what no one else could do. Make you believe in yourself again.

- She was a big help.

- I can see you like her a lot.

- I really like it, she's a great professional. - I said putting my things, which weren't many, on the table in the living room.

- I believe it is, but I wasn't saying in that sense. I see the way you look at her when she watches our visits and the way your eyes sparkle or your smile when you talk about her.... You like her! Not just as a brilliant professional, nor as a good friend... You really like her a lot.

- What? Not! Okay, yes I like her that way. But she can't know.... In fact, it's better that no one else finds out! She is...she was my doctor and now she is my co-worker.

Joe and I stayed in conversation for a few more hours, to make up for this last year where we were only able to have half-hour conversations a day. He even invited me to his house for dinner, but I was tired so after he left, I went to take a shower, change into my pajamas and lay down on my bed, ending up falling asleep seconds later.