For the First Time [kaisoo]

8 // chances

0616.

"Hyung."

Kyungsoo could've been happy to hear Jongin call him that way, but his smile faded even before it surfaced. He's not the same anymore.

Ever since Jongin gave up, nothing's ever been the same. "Jongin."

Silence enveloped the two as they exchanged undecipherable stares, which Kyungsoo thought could take forever. But no, Kyungsoo shakes his head as this crosses his mind, and quickly looks away. There's no such thing as forever...

"How are you?" Jongin knew it wasn't the best thing to say after a long time that they haven't talked. Yet that was the only thing he's brave enough to ask. A question that could've either been an 'I miss you' or better yet, an 'I want you back' only if Jongin did not notice how they've obviously grown apart -- how Kyungsoo calls him by his given name instead of his nickname, how he took the seat across him instead of sitting beside him...

Jongin still loves Kyungsoo. In fact, he never stopped loving him. It took him a while to realize this, and when he did, it was too late.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat. "I'm fine." He then leaned back on his seat, mentally slapping himself for uttering the same lie for the hundredth time. "Why are we here again?"

Jongin's heart literally thumped faster. Of course, that would be the first thing that Kyungsoo would ask. But even if he had originally planned what to say, his words are pulled back by the butterflies in his stomach even before they reach his throat.

"Jongin." Kyungsoo called out, raising a brow at the younger who just blinked a few times from the previous stare he gave Kyungsoo. "Up until now, you suck at saying what you feel."

How could I say what I feel without freaking you out?

Jongin thought to himself, his mind not being able to formulate the right signals to his body. He breathed in, as deep as he can, as if it helps him in gathering up the voice he needs to tell him what he really wants to say--what he feels. "I just... want you back."

"You just want me back." Kyungsoo repeated, his eyes as if mocking the person in front of him for telling a bad joke. "So I guess it's just a small thing for you, Jongin. Just sending me a message to meet up after a long while, just making me go back to this goddamn place filled with our past, just saying you want me to give you another fucking chance?"

"Hyung..." He didn't know how to respond as he took in every single detail that Kyungsoo had said. But what else should he try to say?

Pretend that he didn't want him back?

Smile and pretend like it doesn't hurt to see the man you love turn into the man who loved?

"You can't just want people back, Jongin. There can't be second chances anymore when you've wasted them a long time ago."