My Good Friend (a miraculous ladybug story)

Chapter 4: Cons of Being the Guardian

Marinette fumbled up the stairs to her room and crawled over to her bed frantically. She threw her purse onto her duvet and kicked off her shoes before she collapsed into the pillows. "Oh my god... Oh my GOD," She started hyperventilating.

Her tiny red friend zoomed to a drawer and grabbed a brown paper bag to hand to her. "Marinette, you have to calm down. Focus on your breathing!"

She inhaled deeply with the bag then exhaled slowly. Tikki rubbed circles behind her shoulder in an attempt to soothe her. "He kissed me-" inhale "-he tried to kiss me" exhale. Marinette suddenly shot up and shouted, "I have to call Alya!" She scrambled for her pink phone and rapidly clicked her number. "Hurry hurry".

The line rung for several seconds before her voice appeared. "Hi, there it's Alya! Sorry, can't come to the phone right now..."

Marinette  screamed and waited for the beep.

"Alya let me know as soon as you get this something big happened with Adrien!"

She slouched back onto her bed. "I can't process this Tikki. Adrien Agreste, the beautiful fashion model, my friend, the love of my life, tried to kiss me! I-I..." She gasped and clutched her chest. "What does that mean?"

Her tiny friend sighed loudly. "I think it means he likes you, Marinette."

Marinette grinned and spun around in her room. "I'm so unbelievably happy right now! I can't believe he likes me. I love him. We're gonna get married and have three kids and a house and a hamster named-"

She stopped mid-spin. Her eyes landed on the sewing supply box she created to hide the miracle box. Marinette was struck with the heavy reality that she was still the guardian. Every kwami in that box and all the citizens of Paris were relying on her.

"Tikki I can't- I can't be with him. Can I?" She asked quietly.

"What do you mean Marinette?"

She trudged back to her bed and sat on the edge. She gazed at the photos of Adrien on her wall longingly. "I... I can't pursue a relationship with Adrien, even if he likes me back."

Tikki's mouth hung open in shock. "What but Marinette, it's all you've ever wanted!"

"I know but I can't be with him while Hawkmoth still poses a threat. It would put him in danger. Then I would still have to keep it a secret, and I don't want to lie to him."

"But-"

"Tikki, sometimes loving someone means only loving them from afar. I love Adrien, but I can't risk his safety for my feelings."

The red kwami frowned and flew over to Marinette's shoulder.

"We know what happens every single time I try to talk to him Tikki! I stammer and fumble around like an awkward person. I'm barely able to string words together. The fact that I was able to go this whole afternoon and only dropped the remote twice is a miracle. Even if he does like me I doubt I would even be able to confess my feelings in the next year."

"Marine-"

"Or or!" She cut in. "Let's say I actually am able to tell Adrien that I love him. Let's say it all goes great and he actually becomes my boyfriend. What happens when there's an Akuma attack on our date? What happens then Tikki?"

She looked down to the floor without saying a word.

"What happens when I have to miss birthdays, holidays, dinners, and anniversaries? Huh? I -I can't be in two places at once. I can't bear the thought of Adrien sitting at the movies all by himself because I had to run out to go fight. It hurt so much when I couldn't tell Luka. You know how badly I wanted to tell him, but that secret was the only thing I couldn't share with him Tikki. I cared about Luka I really did. And- and I loved Adrien so much." Marinette swallowed hard after her words and turned away from her kwami.