i hate you

02

i slowly made my was towards the orange door, clutching my resume and script. i felt a squeeze on my shoulder and turned around.

"nai, you can do this. stop worrying." mom said. i smiled half heartedly and swiftly turned around as my number was called again.

"SIXTY SIX! NUMBER SIXTY SIX!" an angry voice yelled. i scoffed and walked faster to the door. this was it. this audition could change my life. forever. i turned the knob on the door and walked in. to the left of the door, on the wall, there was another foldable table, but this one was longer than the one out front. there were four people sitting there, one of which i was hoping to impress. the creator, director and producer, tyler cummings. he turned his head and smiled when he saw me walk through the door. there were three other women at the table and a couple more people off to the sides.

"please state your name, the part you're going for, and bring us your resume," one of the women said. she had a short brown bob with bangs. she wore chunky glasses and a pink blazer with cow print pants and a huge black sun hat. indoors. wow. i nodded and brought my resume to the table. tyler raised his hand up a little and smiled. i brought the resume to him and made my way to the x in the middle of the floor made out of blue painters tape. damn, these people were clearly on a budget.

" hi, my name is nailea devora, and i'm going for the part of claire." i said nervously. the woman with the bob looked at me over her glasses and muttered something under her breath. another woman at the table, with long blonde hair that curled at the ends, looked at me. she was wearing a red shirt that cropped just above her belly. she was wearing 90's skater jeans and nike air force ones. she looked as if she was in her late twenties. so far both of these girls could use some fashion advice.

"she's exactly what we're looking for, honey. at least looks wise." the woman with the blonde hair said as she squeezed tyler's arm. he looked at her quickly then back at me.

"yeah, you're right, she is. but let's see how good her acting skills are first, babe." he said. geez. corny relationship. "babe," and "honey," are absolutely not my idea of "pet names" in a relationship. but whatever. you do you, i guess.

i went over a small portion of the script, and everyone kept straight faces the entire time. was this what they were supposed to do? or were they not impressed?

"wow. that was amazing." tyler's chick said. "i'm amanda, tyler's girlfriend. we have been working together on this show for a while," she added. by the look on tyler's face, it looked as if he was the one who worked on the show. alone. without amanda. she was snobby anyway.

"thank you so much," i said.

"eh, wasn't enough for me," the woman with the bob said. "sure, she's got the looks. how much did you pay for your nose? and you could use a boob job. you're kinda lacking in that department. you're pretty tall. well, i mean, your legs are." she continued. i was stunned.

"excuse me?" i said, hurt.

"oh, her hearing isn't that well either. it's a no from me. you don't have my vote." the woman said. wow, the nerve!

"i'm sorry, weather you guys were gonna hire me or not, i'm not working with someone who's gonna disrespect me like this," i said, standing my ground. amanda stood up.

"no! you're the best one we've seen today! i'm sorry about barbara, but please, don't walk away from this. you and two other girls...were so good!" she said. tyler nodded. i smiled.

"thank you. but i still can't work with her..." i said. amanda walked over to me.

"please, i promise you will get a call back for round two. no promises for the actual show, but round two i can guarantee." she said.

"okay," i said. on the outside i looked like it was nothing, and this happened often. but on the inside, i was freaking out. maybe all of those nights i spent with avani pretending she was romeo an i was juliet, or putting my own twist on my favorite romance movies in the bathroom mirror, practicing my fake cry in the shower, did it all pay off?

***

the morning after the auditions, i was in the best mood ever. avani spent the night, we got pizza last night, i hardly got any sleep, but what was there to sleep for? nothing! oh you know, except the fact that tyler cummings' girlfriend promised me a call back for my dream job! i don't know about vinnie, but i'm freaking out.

i walked down the stairs, humming a song i used to play on my piano when i was younger.

before my abuelo died, every tuesday, when he came over for enchiladas, or tacos, or arepa con queso, which is his favorite. especially with colombian hot chocolate. and on those tuesdays, he would teach me to play piano. every week, he would bring a new song. but one week, was very special. it was right after my abuela died. he came over for churros, her favorite, and brought a special piece of music with him. it was a lullaby he wrote for my abuela when she was pregnant with my mom. she was having really bad pains, so my abuelo sat down at his piano and came up with something right there. my abuela fell in love with the sounds and the notes he had played, and begged him to turn it into a song. just for her that no one else knew how to play, but him.

"shhh, don't tell your abuela, mija. this is very special. it is a song i wrote for her when your mommy was still in your abuela's tummy," he said with a smile. you could tell her had been crying. "she never wanted me to show this song to anyone, or teach them how to play it. it was special. just for her and your mom. but you are special too. and i want you to play it for your daughter someday. and maybe your mom when she grows old like me." he said.

the song was beautiful.

my abuelo died last year and i haven't touched a piano since. but that lullaby, i sing every time i'm happy. it's my way of remembering my bestest friend. better than my mom, or avani. he was the best. and i miss him. i love him to death. and i didn't get to say goodbye.