I can't let go of the past. I try and I try to move on but I just can't. All I can think of is, what happend when I was a kid. What was so bad that I am where I am right now? Who hurt me? That's what I think of everyday. Was it my dad? Probably. But then there's the other question. Was it my mom too? I dont know. And that hurts too. It hurts to think about the past but I still can't let go. Even more recent things. ******. I can't stop thinking about her, what she went through and what she's going through right now. Is she still thinking about me? I think she is. I miss her. Does she miss me too? Everything is a question in my mind. I can't let go.
I think about all the times my suicidal behavior landed me in the hospital. All the times I've spent in the ER. It's the life that I know. Now I need to recover. But that life is all I know. It feels comforting, knowing that you're at the rock bottom. Ending up in hospital feels comforting. I still think about it everyday. I can't let go of it.
