Alive

Secrets

TW: Very intense homophobia, F slur, Violence, Discussion of murder, Death mentions, Losing a loved one, Cursing

"Oh." I reply, not really knowing what else to say. What do you say to that? "You were d-dating?"

Zariah nods, then her eyes widen. "Oh, God, you're not, like, homophobic or anything are you?"
I shake my head, no, but still see that she looks upset. I know that Janus' sisters, both of them, are dead. But, I don't know anything else about them.

"We were in love, we were going to run away together. She was only seventeen. Only a few months older than Janus. I hate him. I hate him so much, why the fuck are you friends with him? How did you even meet him? Isn't he like, outlawed?"

"We m-met at a different m-mental hospital. I couldn't tell y-you where he is now." I lie, only to protect him for the time being.
"He went to a hospital? I thought he went to prison."
"No, h-he, got deemed c-clinically insane after in-insisting that he didn't kill anyone."

She very sharply looks up to me. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Of course I d-do."

I almost want to feel offended. This girl really thinks that Janus is a murderer? I mean, maybe she doesn't know him like I know him. I can tell that she's looking for an aregument, which causes a nervous feeling to form in the pit of my stomach.

"He killed the love of my life, Virgil." She looks at me, with genuine despair filling her eyes.

"He didn't k-kill anyone." I argue, because I honestly know that he didn't do it.

"Then, how did they all die?"

"He doesn't e-even know what s-started the fire."

"Oh, yeah! That's what he told you, I'm sure."

"Did you e-even know him?"

"Only breifly. He destroyed my life and he probably doesn't even remember who I am."

"Did he know you w-were dating?"

"No."

"Why woud he have killed th-them? D-do you have a reason or are you just m-making shit up?"

"Maybe he's just a psychopath! People don't always need a reason to kill!"

I don't reply, and so she huffs, looking a mixture of angry and upset.

"He took everything from me. We worked so hard to keep it a secret."

"Okay? A-and?"

"You don't actually know what it's like, Virgil."

"What wh-what's like?"

"Having to hide who you are! You reek of privelige, oh my God!"

She's being so loud, I want her to stop, but instead, I reply.

"Excuse me?"

"Nobody gets it! I'm only here so I can be 'cured', and you're trying to justify the murder of my girlfriend! You're ignorant!"

"I'm not ignorant."

"Well clearly you are. You are and so is your little arsonist friend."

I breathe out, heavily. This conversation is literally exhausting me.

I want her to stop.

"Prove to me that you know what it's like, then." Zariah raises her eyebrows. "You can't. Privelidged ass young man who'll never understand what it's like to have to fight for your own rights. God, it's insufferable!"