The Way he loves me - (BOOK 4)

Chapter 38 - useless

Evan Hamilton

"I have cancer Evan,"

"and I'm running out of time," she said.

Living me in speechless, it feels like the light in her eyes started to fade away. Like she lost a hope, and I can't look at her eyes any longer. I look away while my brain trying to process what she just said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I look at her in the eyes, I still can't believe something like this would happen to her.

"I'm tired looking for a second opinion because I know in the end it always end up with the same bad news,"

"I'm tired of hoping and crashing down all over again," she said.

"I hate to disappoint people," she said then I look up in surprised,

"Just stop thinking about the others for a moment, you have to think about yourself," I said to her as her eyes started to fill with tears and this is the first time ever, I saw her crying because of she's scared. I pull her close while hold her in my arms, I can't believe she would have to get through this.

"I'm so so sorry," I said to her while she stays in my arm.

"I'm so so sorry," I repeated, I feel useless and so so sorry. I have no idea of if I loose her, I can't imagine if she's not here with me, I know I won't be able to live like that. I can't imagine how is it like for her.

"There must be another way," I said trying to look at her, I'm sure there must be some kind of way.

"Evan," she sighs, she slowly put her palm on my cheek. I could see a frustration in her eyes, there's when I realize that this is not the time to feel emotional. She already had enough, I cannot put more emotions or thought for her to overthink and feel anymore.

"There are always options," I said to her, my mom is a doctor she mentioned about cancer's therapy for some couple of times so I knew some of them. I mean I have heard some of them,

"How about radiotherapy, chemo, surgery," I said then she shook her head and I know that she doesn't like the idea of it.

"I've made my final decision and it's clear,"

"I won't take all that," she said, and my heart breaks a little when I hear that words from her.

"Amanda..," I can't even say a thing, I don't know what to do, I feel so useless.

"Don't you want to try?" I asked her and it only make a tear fell from her eyes.

"Evan..," she blinked and a tear fell from her eyes as I keep looking at her.

"I know I won't be able to handle the pain," she said.

"I watched how my cousin fought against it," she said.

"I want to live my last so little time in peaceful," she said. It breaks my heart to hear the words coming out from her lips, I don't know what to do. I don't even like the way she talks about it, seems like she was giving up and.., I can't even describe it.

I can't imagine how she feels right now,

"Babe," I sigh while she begins to cry, and now she begins to sob. The situation around started to get very cold, she could only cry on my shoulder and again I feel so so useless.

There must be something I can do for her, there has to be a way for her, for us. This can't end like this, this will not end.

"Will you try?" I ask her in the eyes but I found nothing than a desperate red teary eyes,