Belle

Bogey

Numb

That's what I feel. What I think. Who I am. How I speak.

Numb

I gladly let the smoke enter my lungs
Slither through my thoughts. And erase my feelings.I sat on the sidewalk for sometime, numbing myself. Feeling absolutely nothing.
It was a cold, dark and windy day in Arizona. Days like these were not common. Even in the Wintertime. It was almost always sunny. That's why I loved living here.

But somedays the dark consumed me. Somedays the dark was all I could see. Somedays i just wanted to be someone else. Days like these when clouds covered the sky and the Sun refused to show its face. I'm happy the weather matched my mood.

I took one last drag of my cigarette. Outing it on the sidewalk, I got up and dusted myself off. Making sure no ashes got smothered in my clothes. I looked up at the sky one more time and sighed.

I hated cigarettes honestly. But they were the only thing a 17 year old girl could get their hands on. Store clerks didn't care about me. So they easily gave me my Newport packs every time I came in and asked for one. But for some reason liquor was much harder to acquire. I didn't like smoking them. I knew they were killing me slowly.. Slower than I would like ..but they calmed my soul.

Pushing my glasses up, I started walking to the bus stop. Throwing my hair over my shoulder I hitched my bag higher up.

My hair smelt like bogeys. But I didn't care. No one ever got close to smell my hair. Especially not me, Arabella Marks. "The Loner" from Coyote High. Even if they did get close, who sniffs a strangers hair? I scrunched my face up at the idea  and quickly threw my hair in a loose bun showing my tattoo and piercings.

I didn't like putting my hair in a bun. My face was too plain and childish. I looked like a 5 year old on ice cream crack.. Whatever that was.. But I didn't want to take any chances of people smelling the cigarets on me.

I turned the corner and saw the Oak tree that had been here for years signaling I was at the bus stop. There were 7 other people there.

I ignored them as they ignored me and made my way to the tree climbing to the lowest branch from the ground. It was about 10 feet high. I could jump from here. I looked down and swung my legs back and forth just staring ..My long, long legs..

This was my spot.

Every one knew it. Even the bus driver. He would look up and see if I was there every morning and if I wasn't then he would know I wasn't coming to school at all.

Soon enough the big, horrid yellow bus turned the corner. This was the last stop so of course the bus was loud and rowdy. I made my way down the tree with ease. Stretching as I reached the ground. I sighed, pushed my glasses up and walked to the bus.

The bus driver looked at me, as if I was under a microscope. Then He smiled showing his perfect set of teeth. The chubby man looked like the Mr.Clean guy from the commercial except with a beard and A little more weight. He had blue eyes that looked looked like he could tell your future just by looking at you. None the less he was a very nice man who always took the time of day to speak to me. Even though I barely replied.

He opened his mouth and said "Good morning Bell happy to see you today." He smiled.

I hitched my bag up, nodded my head slightly and made my way to my seat.

The ride to school was dull as usual. I looked out the window as trees and houses passed me in a blur. The school was about an hour away and we were about to get on the highway meaning that I would no longer see these beautiful trees. Instead I would see nothing but road and sidewalk.