alexithymia | l. hyunjae

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Promise.

What is your definition of promise?

If you asked me, my definition of promise was when someone assured that they would do or not do some particular things in any kind of situations and it was something you can't break. Ever.

I've always been a big fan of promise. It might seem ridiculous to some people but promise made me see hope and expectation of something.

I remembered that one day...

2009

"You're such a loser."

"Shut up, big head. I ranked higher than you in class" I ignored his teasing snort before squeezing my school jacket. Droplets of water caused by the sudden rain dripping out on the floor.

"What's the point of ranking high in class when you can't even remember to bring your own umbrella this morning? Didn't I told you yesterday that it will rain today?" He stared at me groaning when I found all of books, damaged. He sighed. "Give me your bag." He cleared out my things from the bag before squeezing the waters. 

"And didn't I told you that I don't believe the weather forecast? It's useless." I groaned again before taking a sit on the floor. 

"Well guess what? It's raining, stupid. Get your ass from the wet floor and sit on this instead." He shoved me a wooden stool he found outside the mini store. I rolled my eyes. "Can you stop nagging like my mom? Ughh I can even hear her voice in my head right now."

"How can I not when my one and only best friend is too lazy to use her genius brain and only love to complain?" He put my bag on a bread shelf before dragging an empty biscuit tin container beside me.

We sat outside the mini store side by side in silence while waiting for the rain to stop. The rain drips looked so fascinating and I was almost allured to drag my feet and dance under it.

"Do you really think I'm stupid?" He was taken aback by my sudden question and stared at my side. "Do you really think you are?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Many people including you keep telling me that so maybe I am."

He went silent.

"Hey, look I'm sorry. I really didn't mean that." He turned his body to face me. "If you are offended by that, I promise I will not say that word to you again. I am so sorry. You're not stupid. If you are then why would you rank 1st in our class for every exams?"

I turned to him, "So I'm not stupid?" He nodded his head. "You're not, Ha." He ruffled my hair with his right hand and gave me a smile.

"Okay then, I will believe in you."

"But as an apology for calling me that before, you should treat me ice creams for a week. Deal?" I hold my hand in front of him, smirking.

He looked at my hand and pretended to think hard while staring at the rain. I smacked his shoulder. "Come on! It's not even that hard. My original punishment for you was much worse than this, you know?"

He laughed.

"Alright, I'm joking." He shook my hand and said, "Ice creams for a week? Easy peasy. I can handle that."

I smiled widely and did my little victory dance. He laughed so hard, cutie, he thought.

"What do you say?"

He looked at me with a confused face. "What? I didn't say anything"

"No no no you definitely say something but I was too caught up with my dance so I barely heard it" He gulped and tried to stare at anything but my eyes.

"Stupid, you must have heard it wrong. Like you said, you're too caught up by your lil dance"

I gasped.

"You literally just broke a promise not to call me that again." I raised my eyebrows.

"Hehe, oops! Okay how about we settle this by me treating you lunch for two weeks? Cool, right?" He grinned and hold his hand in front of me for an agreement.

I observed him suspiciously, "Okay, deal! Thanks for the lunch, big head!"

He sighed in relief after almost got caught by his best friend. But, did he really saw her as one?... or maybe more than that?

"Oh, btw I want you to promise me one more thing." He came back from his daze then gave her full attention. "Okay, what is that?" Even before I got to open my mouth, he said "But before that, no weird promise or else"

I laughed, "Absolutely not"

"Okay listen to this carefully. I want you to always be by my side no matter what happens and always believe me before anyone" He nodded.

"Including your girlfriend. If you will have one though" He rolled his eyes. "That's it? Are you sure?" I nodded.

"And of course, if you can promise that, I will do the same" I looked at him with a serious face. He chuckled while pointing his finger at me. "You look funny with that face, Ha"

"Stop playing around and promise me!" I whined.

"Why so sudden though? Did anything happened?" He asked, face full with curiosity. "No reasons, I just feel like it."

He took my hand in his and we shook hands. We stared at each other's eyes before he said, "Deal, nothing is more important than you, Ha. If I break it, I will be the world's most stupid loser ever"

But, of course. Promise were meant to be broken..

Foolish of me to put my trust on you.

Betrayer.