My Coming Out Story

Elementary School Feelings

Growing up, we never talked about homosexuality until I entered the fifth grade, so I didn't grow up under a roof that talked about it. I grew up in a very religious household. My parents never thought about my sisters or me becoming gay. I was born to my mother, father, and four sisters. From pre-k to the fourth grade, I was boy crazy. In the middle of the fourth grade, I saw a man's part for the first time. I was physically touched by a teenage boy. I was asked to have oral sex. That is where my physical attractions began. I didn't like it at all. I was scared, grossed out, terrified, and hurt. People say that all lesbians are lesbians because they were raped, and they are so wrong. Being a lesbian is all in the way you feel. If you are physically, mentally, and emotionally attracted to someone, that is how you know. After this, I stayed the night with my best friend. Her, her sister, and I played truth or dare. I kissed her sister. It didn't gross me out, didn't make me feel uncomfortable, it made me feel a different way. I liked it a lot. Growing up in grade school, I looked at girls in bikinis, and I loved their body. I would get this feeling inside me and I felt physically attracted to girls. At age ten, I watched two girls get it on the TV. I didn't close my eyes, I didn't look away, I liked it. It made me feel different. I was young and I should of turned the TV off, but I didn't. My sister, brandi, had a husband and three beautiful kids. A few months later, my sister and her husband filed for divorce, and she introduced us to her girlfriend, Brittany. It made me happy. That is when my parents started talking about same sex couples. They didn't like it, but they still loved my sister. They constantly brought up verses in the bible. That is where I became suffocated with hate and being insecure. I felt disowned. My parents did not know about me. Who would tell their parents if they felt unloved? My parents always said, "your sister is struggling because she is gay." Because my sister always had to get a new car, and struggled with money. I was allowed to stay with her and her girlfriend and my nieces and nephew, but they couldn't display any physical contact in front of me. I stayed with her a lot because I felt more acceptance than at home. My elementary school feelings were amazing and sad. This is where they all started.