Always and Forever

four

It's been a couple of weeks since the break up but it's not gotten easier. It's been hard.

Some days have been worse than others.

Some days, i've been fine. I've not been happy but i've not been upset.
Other days though, have been hard. Sometimes i've struggled to get out of my bed.
Some days i don't talk to anyone, including Viv and Lisa for the whole day.
I'm hurt and it's fairly obvious.
Everyone knows about the breakup now. The fans have their suspicions, i mean i've not been spotted with let alone near Leah in weeks and normally we're always together at training or in the gym.

We've played three games in the last couple of weeks and i've not started any of them.
The first was against Reading. We won 5-0. I came on in the 75th minute and scored the fifth goal to finish the game off.
Our second was against Barca, we lost 4-0 which seen us crash out of the champions league. It was disappointing to say the least. I didn't feature in that game.
Our third and most recent game was against Everton who we bet 3-0. I didn't feature in this match either.

The reason for my lack of minutes so far is down to my performances in both training and matches. I've not had many opportunities to perform on the big stage but the last time i had an opportunity i scored but i haven't been training well at all. My head isn't in it. My heart is broken and i'm hurting. I feel so empty, i feel like a completely different person where as Leah seems fine. She seems happy and seems to be in a good place. I'm happy for her. She deserves to be happy. All i want is for her to be happy.

Today is match day minus one, meaning tomorrow we are playing. We are playing against Villa. It will be a tough game but i hope to get some minutes if i don't start which i don't expect to.

Training had just finished and i had trained the best i have for the past few weeks. Today was one of my better days. I wasn't happy but i didn't feel as bad as i did some days.
After training i was walking back in with Caitlin and Lia. The three of us were about to enter the changing room but my arm was pulled. I didn't know who by until i spun around startled by the sudden contact. My heart dropped when my eyes met with the girl who had pulled my arm, Leah. I looked at her. We were stood right outside the changing room as the rest of the team was inside the changing room.

"hey"
Leah said, lightly. Man, i've missed her voice.

"hey"
I said back so lovingly. I can't help the way i feel for this girl.

"are you okay?"

"getting there"
I said. Was i being honest? No. I'm not getting there. It's tough, so tough.

"that good to hear. Look, i miss you. I miss having you around. I miss everything about you. Can we try again? I don't mean our relationship i mean our friendship. Can we try it again?"
I looked at her. It's so hard to be friends with someone you're in love with. So hard.

"Leah-"

"Soph, please. It was us against the world"

"Yeah it was but like you said. We've changed"

"i know what i said but it seems like you've changed more than me!"

"of course you would say that. Leah, i've not changed. I'm the same person i was months ago, the only difference is i was happier then"

"you're more argumentative now"

"i'm not argumentative. I hate fights. I hate them and you of all people should know that"

"i do know that but you've changed. I've said that multiple times"

"Leah how have i changed?"

"you just don't look the same. You're not as smiley"

"Of course i'm not as smiley"

"what do you mean by that?"

"Leah. You're my person, okay. I'm not as 'smiley' because i'm hurting"

"i didn't want to break up with you. You're the one who pushed me into doing so"

"don't say that. You were falling out of love Leah"

"you don't know that"

"No but you do"

"I don't. I wasn't falling out of love with you at all. I told you i would always love you and my feelings haven't changed. I love you so much and i always have"

"then why say what you said? Why say you were maybe falling out of love?"

"because you put me in an awkward situation. I didn't know what to say. Ask Viv, when i left the changing room i looked at her with regret in my eyes"

"I don't understand. Why wait till now to tell me"

"Because i didn't know how to tell you. Soph, everyone knows how broken you are. I felt at fault for that, i didn't know what to do"

"well.. what do you want?"

"what do you want?"

"the same thing i've always wanted. You"

"i want you too but i don't know if it's the right time"

"you yelled at me for talking about the right time"

"i did, yeah"

"so..."

"i want you. I haven't stopped wanting you but i think in order for us to become the best versions of ourselves we should start again"

"in what way?"

"our relationship"

"how?"

"Slowly. Slow and steady wins the race. Let's just take things slow. Everyone knows we have broken up because i may or may not have spilled it on a podcast but let's just start hanging out again. I really hurt you and i'm sorry"

"Okay. You may have hurt me but you're the only person who can truly heal me"

"well.. Do you want to get coffee after training?"

"so.. in what? 10 minutes?"

"that sounds good to me. I'll take you?"

"Yeah. See you soon. Smelly"

"Shut up. Tiny"

"Leah. Shut up"
I smiled at Leah.

That isn't how i imagined my day would go. I didn't think me and Leah would speak i thought it would be the same as always. Eye contact, nothing more. When she pulled me aside i didn't expect our conversation to go anything like the way it did. I wished for it to go the way it did but i didn't think it would. But, i'm glad. I missed her. She hurt me but i can't not forgive her. Leah is my person. She's my Always and Forever.

I walked into the changing room with Leah which caused a few stare's but nothing major. I walked right over to Viv.

"hey vivianne"

"Hey, kid. What's up?"

"i'm going out. I'll be back later"

"Woah. Who with and where?"

"Leah.. Just for some coffee"

"have you guys made up?"

"kind of"

"Happy for you"

"Thank you goat"

"stop"
I smiled at Viv.

I got changed and then met up with Leah outside the changing room.

Here we go...