Your Way Out

Headfirst for Halos

Content/Trigger Warning: This chapter deals heavily with depression, abuse, gaslighting, self-harm, mental illness, and suicide. Please keep that in mind while reading forward and remember to take your own mental health into consideration before pressing on. Don't put yourself into a situation that will make you uncomfortable and bring up painful memories. Lastly, your life is worth living. You're beautiful, wonderful, and I'm happy that you're here.

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I was falling. I wondered blindly through the darkness and unknowingly stepped off the precipice. I held my breath, bracing for impact. It was like crashing into cement. I hit the inky black surface and was quickly sucked below its depths. I was numb. I was cold. A small twinkling light hung high above the surface, shimmering like a star against a black abyss. I reached for it. Pushing through the freezing current, I stretched my arm up above my head. Ice piercing my skin.

A warm arm coiled around my chest. Another around my stomach. I knew this heat. Hot blood pouring over cold skin. It was him. He held me close, pressed against his hollow chest. I kicked and pulled, fighting the thick viscous water that surrounded me. The star--my star--was vanishing. He was dragging me down. Deeper into the frozen lake. His murky crimson arms wrapped around me like a vice. Down we went. Darkness clouding my vision. 

I saw blurry glimpses of a woman, beautiful and regal. Her caramel brown hair was twisted in elegant braids, secured with golden jewels. She was wise, powerful, and kind. Her eyes power blue eyes shimmered with golden flecks of warm sunshine. She smiled a mother's smile. Pride and love. She disappeared in a crimson cloud. 

"This is where you belong," the figured hissed in my ear. His words like venom, scorching my veins. "Don't ever leave me."

"No!" I screamed, muffled by the ichor flooding into my mouth. "I can't go back there," I thought.

I watched my star shimmering lazily until there was nothing left.

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Loki watched her collapse as she gasped for breath. He didn't think, he just acted. Instinctively, he kicked his chair out and leapt over the white table, arms stretched.

"Elaina!" he shouted, catching her just before she hit the hard floor. "Elaina?" he called.

Her lips were turning blue. Her face was flushed, and her body trembled in his arms. He ran his hand against her cheek and cupped her face. She was burning hot. Blood rushing to her head. It was like she was being strangled. She was suffocating. As their skin met, Loki felt a glimpse of her agony.

His throat became tight as a scorching hot vice wrapped around his neck. His chest rattled with panic. His eyes stung with fresh tears. They cascaded down his cold pale cheeks like rain. This pain. It was hot and heavy like molten lead was burning through his veins. His body stiffened, holding her tighter.

Guards and agents poured into the room, surrounding them with loaded arms. They yelled commands, but Loki couldn't hear them. His ears were full of the throbbing rush of blood. "Help her!" he cried pasted their orders.

Two guards ripped her from his arms and carried her away on a white stretcher. Agent Hanna marched up to Loki. He didn't have a chance to talk. He couldn't move. She touched his forehead with the tips of her fingers. A shimmering black fog danced over his skin, like ink mixed with glitter. It ensnared him. Soothed him. For just a moment there was calm. Loki collapsed to the floor unconscious. His mind flooded with memories, but they weren't his.