Emma: Freshman Year

Chapter 39: A New Start

Emma never told anyone about her fainting spell at work; she figured it happened because she was barely eating; her appetite, which was usually minimal to begin with, was now completely extinguished by the suffocating guilt she had been experiencing ever since her mom told her that she was to blame for the house fire. Because of this, her weight plummeted to an all-time low; every bone in her body was visible under her pale skin. Emma's insomnia had also worsened; she barely slept at all, which was evident by the dark circles under her lifeless blue eyes. She felt dizzy all the time, her head constantly hurt, and she had frequent bouts of nausea. Despite this, Emma continued to hide her symptoms and pretend that nothing was wrong.

To combat her depression and anxiety, both of which have worsened significantly since the house fire, Emma started keeping a water bottle filled with half vodka and half Sprite near her at all times, sipping on it throughout the day. It was either that or kill herself, for her feelings of guilt and despair were too much to handle. Craig had shelves filled with hard liquor in the basement, so Emma had no problem helping herself to it; she just had to make sure no one caught her in the act.

In addition to improving her mood, Emma soon discovered that the alcohol would help her sleep better at night, though she would still wake up quite frequently after the initial first few hours. What started as a desperate attempt to numb her emotions became a daily habit, to the point where Emma was consuming alcohol on a regular basis, regardless of what time of day it was.

However, nobody seemed to notice that Emma was consistently intoxicated. Lizzie, as usual, was preoccupied with herself and her own feelings that she never seemed to notice Emma's change in mood or behavior. Emma's mom and Craig never paid much attention to Emma in the first place, so Emma's alcohol usage was overlooked by both of them.

At work, the only one who seemed to notice a change in Emma's behavior was Brock. Since being intoxicated increased Emma's sex drive, Brock chose to ignore the issue and make excuses for Emma if anyone questioned him about her behavior. 

One night, after everyone else was asleep, Emma used her mom's credit card to make a large purchase on the website SheIn, which totaled close to a thousand dollars. She was very intoxicated at the time, and the consequences of her mom's wrath didn't even cross her mind at the time. She had bought herself an entire closet of tops, bottoms, jeans, dresses, bodysuits, rompers, shoes, and more to replace the clothes she had lost in the fire. She had even ordered the fastest shipping possible, racking up the credit card bill even more, because she was sick and tired of wearing Lizzie's baggy, outdated clothes.

Fortunately for Emma, her order of clothes arrived the day before school resumed. Luckily for her, her mom and Craig were at work when the package arrived, and Lizzie was too busy watching TV to notice. Giddy from the alcohol she had consumed and the fact that she just received a bunch of new clothes, Emma spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking everything and putting it in the closet in the spare bedroom.

Despite getting more drunk than usual that night in order to curb her anxiety, Emma was only able to sleep soundly for a few hours before she was wide awake again, tossing and turning. After an hour of unsuccessfully trying to go back to sleep, Emma decided to get up for the day, even though it was only four in the morning. Throwing the covers off herself, revealing her naked body, Emma crawled out of bed and slowly made her way across the dark room, trying not to trip over the boxes cluttering the floor as she groped for the light switch. Flipping the switch, Emma squinted as her eyes were flooded with bright light; once she became accustomed to it, she proceeded to walk over to her closet to choose an outfit to wear to school. 

As much as Emma was looking forward to wearing some of her new clothes, her heart was racing with anxiety at the thought of going back to school. She knew that the majority of her classmates did not think very highly of her, especially Kendra and her pals. As her mind began racing with every single way that Kendra and her friends have humiliated her over the years, Emma knew she needed to get more alcohol in her system, and fast. Otherwise, she might have a full-blown panic attack, and that was the last thing she wanted, especially on the first day back to school.

After browsing through her closet for several moments, Emma finally decided on a long sleeved, brown crop top and extremely distressed skinny jeans. Her crop top, despite being high-necked, was open in the front, exposing her body from her collarbones down to the middle of her abdomen. On each side of the shirt, there was a long piece of fabric; Emma proceeded to tie both together in a knot, covering her breasts. Her skinny jeans were covered in distressed holes on both the front and back of the pant legs and continued all the way to the waistband, not only revealing most of Emma's legs, but also the bare skin on her butt. Between her crop top and her jeans, there were a couple inches of skin left uncovered. Finally, Emma slipped on a pair of black, ankle-high boots with platform heels, thus completing her outfit. 

Looking down at herself, Emma felt a sense of satisfaction with her new clothes. No longer would she have to wear Lizzie's worn, outdated clothes that were way too big for her. She could finally dress the way she liked once again. 

After fixing her hair and putting her makeup on, Emma proceeded to carefully descend the flight of creaky, wooden stairs that led into the basement, carrying her stainless steel water bottle. Once she reached the bottom of the staircase, she flipped on the light, revealing several long shelves attached to the wall, each one holding dozens of bottles of hard liquor. Without hesitation, Emma proceeded to grab the nearest bottle of vodka and pour it into her water bottle until it was half full. But would that be enough to get her through the entire day? After a few moments of pondering, Emma filled her water bottle a little bit more, and put the bottle of vodka back on the shelf.

After returning upstairs, Emma filled her bottle up the rest of the way with mountain dew from the fridge, and took several large gulps before she screwed the cap back on. As the familiar warmness filled her chest, Emma knew that she would soon be relieved of her worries.

In order to kill time, Emma seated herself on the couch with her water bottle beside her, taking an occasional drink while she played games on her phone. For the first couple hours of waiting, the house was dark and eerily quiet. Under normal circumstances, the stillness of her environment would only exacerbate Emma's anxiety, as there was nothing to distract her from her worries. However, the alcohol had a calming effect on Emma; she was finally free from her debilitating anxiety and she loved it. She had suffered from anxiety for as long as she could remember; why hadn't she started drinking sooner?

As the natural light from outside gradually began to fill the room, Emma knew it wouldn't be much longer before the rest of the household started to wake up. Moments later, footsteps sounded from the hallway and Emma's mom appeared in the living room, dressed in a worn T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. Her blonde hair was disheveled and her eyelids were still heavy with sleep. 

"Where the hell did you get those clothes?" Emma's mom questioned, suspiciously eyeing Emma's outfit after rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. 

"From Lizzie's closet," Emma lied, keeping her eyes fixed on the screen of her phone. "Where else could've I gotten them?"

"I've never seen Lizzie wear anything close to that," Emma's mom retorted, walking towards Emma and grabbing one of the fabric pieces on her daughter's shirt to examine it. "If this comes untied, your boobs will be out for everyone to see. And those pants look like they've gone through a meat grinder." 

"They're supposed to look like that," Emma defended herself, grabbing her mom by the wrist and forcing her to let go of her shirt. "And how do you know what Lizzie has in her closet? Did you even bother to look?" 

"Oh stop being so sassy," Emma's mom muttered as she turned around and walked away. "Go get something to eat," she added as she disappeared into the kitchen. "The bus will be here any minute."

Emma smiled to herself as she continued to play the game on her phone. Normally, her mom's snarky comments would make Emma feel bad about herself, but with the alcohol in her system, she was able to easily brush them off. It felt nice not crying about every little thing that went wrong in her life, which only solidified Emma's decision to be drunk during every waking moment.