The Impact

What they don't know, won't hurt them

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Chapter 10:What they don't know, won't hurt them

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'If you want to scare me, let me know you. I am scared of all I know'

I have been better. I don't go on starving myself anymore and I've slowed down on the cutting. I am becoming more and more normal everyday but nobody seems to agree with me.

They say I'm crazy and they call me mad. They say I need help when I don't. Because I already have help. The girl who is saving my life and the girl who is always there to help me. Because of her I am always fine and whenever I feel like crying or whenever my mind takes over with the urge to cut she saves me. She made me believe that Sam's death to a certain extent wasn't my fault. She tells me that it isn't my fault at all but it will take me some time to believe it fully. But this girl has made me better, a thousand times better than I actually was and I'm thankful for that. I don't care whether everyone seems to disagree with me. I don't care if everyone tells me that she isn't good for me. Because thing is, that I could have had anyone do the exact same things she does but they wouldn't matter but when she does them. Those little things are perfection and they make me great. Those little things save me from myself. And even though my mom keeps crying that I'm going crazy and my dad almost acts scared of me, I don't care. Because she is all that I needed. And there couldn't have been a better timing for her to arrive. A week ago when I came back home running from the lake she was there for me and she hasn't left me since. Unlike everyone she promises to never leave me and always be there for me and I for one know that she'll never ever break that promise. She won't do that to me because she knows how much that will hurt me and I will always have her there. I couldn't have wished for a better way to fix myself after Sam's death and this is better than it has been since she left. But now she is back and she is never leaving me again. Sam Will has saved me yet again.

I have started keeping a diary, I communicate with her that way. I write it all out but sometimes when I can't take it anymore, I close my eyes and there on the ceiling fan, I see her and we talk and it helps. I laugh with my demons now, we're one.

Somehow nobody looks me in the eye anymore, as if they expect to find horrifying things behind eyes. They act scared, as if I might kill them any given moment, as if I am something new, something that isn't human. But who needs them? I have her. I have Sam.