Toxic love // lesbian story (intersex/g!p x girl)

27.

Grace's POV

Anxiety is killing me right now. My first final exam is tomorrow and even though I know I studied really hard, I still can't close my eyes and get some sleep without thinking that I might not do well in the test.

I was laying on my side, my AirPods in my ear, playing some music to relax myself and try to sleep but I still couldn't.

After a few minutes I felt cold air hit my back when the blanket was lifted up a little. I felt the bed shift slowly, feeling a figure behind me.

Ellie comes to sleep here a lot so to me, this isn't even new.

Her arms wrapped around my waist and I felt her cold rings on my stomach as I was just wearing a bra, panties and some sweatpants. I stopped the music "don't be nervous about the test tomorrow. You studied really hard and you deserve to get some sleep, just close your eyes and think of something that makes you happy"

She knows me so well I thought to myself and smiled at what she said but remembered Camila. I don't know if this is okay or not.

I bit my lip in frustration then turned around, Ellie smiling at me as I took my AirPods out. I put them on the table then looked at Ellie again, that smile never leaving her face.

"You need to stop doing these things" I said quietly, my eyes flicking down to her lips then quickly back to her eyes. She moved her face closer to mine and put her hand on my cheek "you know I won't.." she said, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth gently.

"You have to. I have Camila and I don't think this is right" she laughed and nodded "I could care less about who you have, I know I'll be the one to treat you the way you should be treated"

"After hurting me? For several years?" Her smile died and she took a deep breathe "do you wanna know why I started rumors about you?"

"If you're gonna lie again then no, I don't wanna know" I said, remembering what she said and the lies. She sighed "what I said wasn't a lie. I was in foster care, I lived with Courtney..that was the truth"

"And about the jealousy part?" I asked her, raising my eyebrow "not all of it was a lie..I was jealous, just not from that or for that reason"

"Tell me then"

"I was jealous of people..anyone who got close to you, made me jealous. I didn't want anyone to put their hands on you in any fucking way. I wanted to come approach you to be your friend before I did all of that but when we were partners for a project, I knew you were scared of me, I knew that I hurt you by being friends with the people who bullied you so I decided to leave you alone.."

"..but then..I saw you sitting with people, guys, girls..it made me mad and jealous but I knew I couldn't tell you to not sit with anyone and just stay with me so I started rumors so people would stay away from you"

She looked at me, swallowing really hard and looking nervous as ever "wow" I said trying to process what she just said.

She was jealous of people that were close to me because she thought that if she tried being my friend nor get close to me, I'd push her away.

I would because of what she said. She's friends with people who constantly bully me but she didn't..now I realize that she never said something right to my face at least.

"Is that it? Just a wow?" She's getting mad, I haven't seen her mad in a while. I cleared my throat "I'm sorry I'm just shocked of what you said"

She sighed and laid on her back, looking up at the ceiling "I didn't know that I like you. I just thought I wanted to annoy you but seeing you alone hurt me yet satisfied me at the same time. I tried to push those feelings I have for you away but I couldn't"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked still laying on my side, facing her. She laughed "yeah because it's so easy to tell someone that you like them" she said sarcastically.

I saw a tear roll down her cheek which made me frown "when I saw you with Camila.." she said sniffing "..it hurt more than anything because I know it's my fault you're hurt. I just don't know how to handle a lot of things especially my feelings"

"I'm sorry for what I did and I'm sorry for what I'm doing, I just can't help it..I can't stay away from you" she turned her face to the side to look at me.

"I feel the need to touch you, to have your body against mine, to comfort you when you're sad, to make sure you eat, to protect you from anyone that will ever hurt you but I'm the one that hurt you..I just try to believe that I didn't so I wouldn't live with the guilt but I can't even eat properly knowing that I really hurt the person that I adore"

She wiped her tears and sat up, I sat up too and watched her as she stood up and walked towards the door "you're gonna do great on the exam.." she said turning to look at me, giving me a forced smile as a tear came down her cheek "..goodnight"

Ellie's POV

I left her room and went towards mine. I locked the door and laid under the blanket, facing the window as I pulled the blanket up to my neck, hugging it tightly.

Why do I have to be so shitty? Why can't I be like Camila so fucking caring that Grace choose her and not anyone else?

Why can't Grace see me as a good person? That I have an answer to. What I did in the past hurt her really bad, I should've known better, I should've dealt with my feelings in a better way than pushing people away from her so I can be the only person to touch her, to talk to her..to make her smile.

I just want to feel loved and cared about.

I want Grace to be mine but I don't want to ruin her relationship. I would do it but it would make her hate me even more if something bad happened between me and her after.

"I hate you" those are the last words I want to hear from her. I'd rather hear it from my biological dad or mom that I didn't even meet but Grace..it would hurt my soul if she said that to me.