Behind the bright lights *LH*

Chapter 1

Moving is painful. Putting everything into boxes and throwing away outgrown objects like clothes and decorations is such a chore. There is nothing worse than having put everything away, just to move it to a new location and for it to feel out of place. Looking around the room I've lived in for the last 12 years gives me anxiety. There is so much to go through, lots of memories I don't want to face. The boxes are stacked against my bare blush pink wall. The wall was formerly covered in pictures, records, and movie and concert tickets. Now it's bare. The sight of it is all surreal.

Amazing memories come with this room from my first sleepovers and my first kiss. I retreated here after my first heartbreak, and didn't leave for days. After all my school dances, I came back here and tried to mimic how the cool girls danced.  It was all here. Leaving home is supposed to be exciting, but I'm dreading it.

I can't help but to feel bad for leaving my family here in Sydney. We have always been a family. I lived at home during my first four years of college and so did my brother. Myles and I had different reasons, but we both agreed to stay. Now I'm moving to another city, where I won't know a single soul. At least until my family can move to Chicago with me. That is the ultimate goal, but it's years away. I have to finish school and get a job. Pay off my loans. We all have to apply for citizenship.

My thoughts are interrupted by my door cracks open. I hear the familiar sound of Myles's wheelchair. "Wheel on out Myles I don't want to hear it." I turn to look at my older brother. He is only 8 minutes and 37 seconds older. Other twins I have met sometimes say being a twin is hard. Having to share your identity with someone else, but I've never felt that way. Myles and I have been best friends. Myles looks down at me with his crooked smile and warm eyes.

"Jeez Mila, why do you always act like I am going to say something rude?" he gasps, putting his hand over his chest "I'm hurt" he chuckles.

I finish putting my things in one of my boxes marked for donation. "What do you want then, Myles." He rolls closer to where I'm sitting on the ground. He bends down and reaches for my hands. I know he only meant to hold them for comfort, but sadness overcame me. I stood up and gave him a hug. I'm holding back tears and he knows it.

He says "I'm sad too. My twin is moving out of this shitty house without me!" We pull apart. I sniff up the snot threatening to leak out of my nose. "I just hope your apartment is bigger than this shoe box." He chuckles. I back up to look at my room and all I've accomplished.

"A lot of things happened in this shoebox. We grew into adults here." I hated this home when we first arrived. It was always a painful reminder of the accident. Now it's my favorite place. "We have a lot to appreciate."

I look back at Myles and I catch him rolling his eyes at me. "They are gonna get stuck in the back of your head if you don't stop doing that." I joke. He laughs and begins for the door.

"When we get to Chicago, I expect you to have friends. Maybe a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. I don't judge. I don't want you to be alone." A smile at him.

"Do you think is it worse to be alone in an empty apartment or feel alone in a house full of people?" He shakes his head and exits the room. Probably leaving to ponder my words. I can hear him roll into his makeshift room.

When we moved into this house, we didn't think we would all fit. There were 3 bedrooms, but 5 of us. The main floor is home to a huge living room, in which Myles resides. When he first came home from the hospital, it was the only room big enough to hold his hospital bed and physical therapy equipment. He has bookshelves and a makeshift door so he has privacy when he wants it. I remember begging my parents to let me have the other room downstairs. I wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could.