Break First, Let's Love Later

Chapter 2.

Hidayah stood before her mother, fiddling with her fingers as she thought of multiple things to tell her mother. Despite the fact that she knew her mother would disagree, hidayah still tried to mold up a lie. "Ummah, I...." Ummah raised her hand before Hidayah could get the chance to finish her sentence.

"Hidayah, is this the kind of life you chose for yourself? The kind of life no intelligent person would want." Hidayah felt the urge to roll her eyes but she knew that would only get her into more trouble. Hidayah scoffed, There she goes with the long, boring lectures again. "For God's sake where are you coming from by this time of the night? You really think you can sneak out without me finding out when you know I always check your rooms to make sure everyone is okay before I go to bed. Just look at the time, hidayah. Look at the time you're coming back. Not to speak of the way you're improperly dressed." Her mother gestured to the tight dress she was wearing.

Hidayah furrowed her brows, already getting so fed up with her mother's words, but it was wise of her to stay mute. "I said where are you coming from?" Ummah repeated the question. This time, angrier. Hidayah stuttered, face grimaced. "Ummah I.... Even if I told you where I was going there's no way you'd allow me to go anywhere...."

"I said where are you coming from? Or do I need to use my hand on you? It's not something new, I can do that if that's what you choose." Hidayah took a quick glimpse at her angry mother and groaned. "Can you just stop? Why can't I be free to do whatever I want to do? In my own father's house? Has anyone ever came to this house and reported me for doing something bad? Or have I ever came home with an unwanted pregnancy or you ever caught me drinking or smoking?" She paused to hear her mother's response but nothing came out of Ummah's mouth, rather she stared at her daughter in awe.

"No, that's what I guessed. Then get off my back if I'm not causing any trouble for you." She stormed off, leaving her mother scandalised by her awful words.

Ummah shook her head and sighed. With slow and steady motion, she got to her feet and headed to her room as well. Her heart felt heavy, the tears were threatening to fall but she quickly took deep breaths, disregarding the thoughts away. For one thing, she loved her daughter. Hidayah was her favourite, despite the fact that she disliked hidayah's choice of life style.

Ummah settled down gently on the edge of her bed, having a reverie. Could she be the reason behind her daughter's behaviour? When she looked at hidayah, it felt like she has failed as a mother, as a parent to raise such stubborn child. Or was it because their father has passed away years ago and she couldn't handle raising them alone? She has a failed to be the mother and even the father.

The questions continued flowing in her mind till the water works started without her acknowledging. Ummah believed crying is a way of cleaning the soul, a rebounding with the vulnerable self, chance to realise what suffering and pain are for her... for her daughters. And she believed crying was the only way she'd feel at ease before she could force herself to sleep; all because of her own child. Just one child!

**

The next morning, she woke up late, almost late for her final exams. In a rush, she got ready and headed to school. After her exams, she stayed back to hang out wither friends in school. "Like I said last night, Adam is not...."

"Hold it, just hold your thoughts, Yasmeen. I never asked for your opinion concerning Adam. You can't just start judging my boyfriend without actually getting to know him." Yasmeen chuckled, shaking her head. "You're already calling him your boyfriend when he hasn't claimed you yet? Someone that tells other ladies you're his 'cousin'? Common hidayah, you're better than this. It's so surprising as beautiful, rich and classy as you are, you prefer to actually end up with a guy like him." Without wasting time, yasmeen walks off, leaving hidayah and their other friend standing in awe as they stared at yasmeen's retreating back.