Break First, Let's Love Later

Chapter 7.

Upon this sleepless night there was a chance to tune in to the quietness of night and feel the starlight that illuminates such a velvet sky. Beyond this chamber of worry there was an entire world, and in that realisation she could find her stillness, find a reason to put her worries in perspective, to adapt and overcome. Her purpose is bigger than these passing concerns.

She heaved a desolate sigh for the umpteenth time, it made her heartache less painful. She gazed at Nafisa who was fast asleep hours ago. She chuckled a bit- look at the person that vowed to stay wide awake till she dozes off first.

She stopped smiling instantly, what was left to smile about? She had no reason to smile, not when she knew the wedding was still on and her life was about to change within few hours. With a discouraged whimper, she curled up more in her blanket, gripping on her knees like her life depended on it.

It all happened too fast. Just that previous afternoon she was in her room, reading a nice book and enjoying her Thursday afternoon. Now here she was curled up in bed in the middle of the night, thinking of all sorts of way to sabotage her marriage between her and Ahmad.

Another sigh escaped her lips. They were really giving her away? To that man, that man that hated her so much. Someone that's trying to ruin her life, can't they see that? And now that he was getting what he wanted, he looked so excited and calm that he didn't even budge when she was raining insults at him. She closed her eyes and gazed into fields of nothingness. She dragged herself away from the thoughts with a broken heart and a battered soul.

She laid there until it was time for Fajr prayers. She sat up right on the bed and stayed that way for few minutes before she gently got to her feet and ambled to the bathroom.

She came out shortly and met Nafisa already awake. "How did I manage to fall asleep?" She asked, looking a bit baffled. "Did you even get any sleep, Ya Hidayah? Your eyes look puffy and red. Don't tell me you stayed up crying all night."

Hidayah raised her shoulders meaning 'what do you expect?'

"Just get up and pray, I'll sleep afterwards." Hidayah pulled out her hijab from her closet and spread the prayer mat. She prolonged her Sujood, asking Allah for the best because she was baffled and impotent. She prayed it was for the best and she would be a better person because there was so much to gain in life.

After she was done praying, Hidayah went back to bed already feeling a bit relieved now that she has gotten everything out of her chest. She tucked herself in and closed her eyes, waiting to fall asleep. In less than half an hour, she finally dozed off.

**

She wakes up suddenly, every thought in high definition. Her eyes took in every ray of light and without a doubt she knew she has slept for too long. The noises coming from outside her room jolted her back to reality. How could she forget what was about to happen, the change she was about to encounter in her life.

The door creaks ajar and Aunty Umaymah appeared. "Oh my baby, you're finally awake. Get up now, make it snappy it's almost 12 noon." She helped her up from the bed. "C'mon go take a hot bath now, make sure you scrub your whole body thoroughly. I've gotten a makeup artist for you and she's already..."

"Aunty umaymah, are you also on their side? Please I've told you guys, this marriage is really a bad idea because I don't love him and he doesn't love me too.... He's just going to torture my life. " Her lips trembled as she begin crying. "Oh, yes yes I've heard you. And we will talk about that later." Hidayah attempted to protest again but she beat her to it. "C'mon act like the lady I know you are. You have me and you're here bothering yourself about him? Just leave him to me. He's my nephew but we're going to make him suffer. Now go, make it snappy." She finally succeeded into making Hidayah to take her bath.

Soaking in that heated water, feeling it hug every inch of skin gently, breathing in the aroma of her shower gels. It was her heaven, her mini vacation- a place to breathe deeply and let her inner peace return. She took her time in the bathroom to wash away some of her sorrow before finally coming out. She encountered with a new dress waiting for her, laid on the bed and a tray full of goodies also waiting for her.

She scoffed and averted her gaze from the appealing dress she was unfamiliar with. There was no way she would wearing that, not because of some feeble minded man they were trying to get her stuck with. Speaking of the devil, he might be out there already planning on how to make her life a living hell and how he'll turn her into his slave. Hidayah thought about all that while she pampered her skin with her finest lotions. It was already time for zuhr prayer, she dressed up and offered her prayer. She was still on the prayer mat when aunty Umaymah came back.

"My baby, you're out. Now come eat your breakfast before we start with the make up, okay?" Aunty Umaymah stated, interrupting Hidayah's ocean of thoughts. " I'm not really hungry. Let's just get this over with..."

"Nonsense, you're not going out there with an empty stomach. And Nafisa told me you haven't eaten anything last night so it's either you sit and eat or I feed you myself. Which one is it gonna be?" She raised a brow at Hidayah who sighed defeatedly and settled down on her bed before taking a plate of Nutella stuffed churro pancake.

It took aunty umaymah another couple of minutes to convince Hidayah to have her makeup done. She looked at herself in the mirror, after dressing up. Lace upon silk, the dress was cosy to her body, its touch both light and soothing.

Aunty umaymah stood behind her, gently grasping her shoulders as they both admired the dress through the mirror. "I bet he won't take his eyes off you." Hidayah threw her a stern look. "Okay, I'm sorry. Now sit here and wait for me. I have to attend to some guests." She led herself out of the room while Hidayah collapsed on her bed.

She looked at the time, it was after jumma'at prayer already, which means....

Cheers rise around the house. With no doubt she heard the announcement, the knot has been tied and her life was about to change... it has already changed. She steadied her breath and try to calm the panic.

"Hidayah...." Aunty umaymah rushes in. "Come, come and see your husband. Masha Allah, the knot has been tied. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Come down now he's waiting for you out there.

Hidayah scrambled to her feet and took two small steps backward. Terror sucked the very breath from her mouth. "No... Aunty Umaymah, I am not going anywhere. He should wait there till he collapses and die, for all I care. Go out there and tell him I'm not coming out." She tried pulling Hidayah's hand but she stayed rooted to her spot.

"Hidayah, my baby, listen to me. I know you're going through a really rough time and I don't blame you for this. The last thing I would want is for the people out there to find out what is really happening between you and Ahmad. I just want you to trust me on this, trust your mother because I know she'll never choose what's not best for you both. Do you know how eager everyone is to see you? How do you expect them to react if they find out that you don't love him or what actually led to the marriage, imagine the disaster it will be not only for me or your mother but for you also. So calm down, be prayerful and leave the rest to Allah, okay?" Hidayah nodded hesitantly, body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears.

Aunty Umaymah used a clean tissue and dapped on the tears that was on her face before she clasped their hands together. "Let's go meet your groom."