blacked out days

monday 12:13pm

i was waiting for ryan outside the college. he texted me telling me he'd be running a few minutes late but to still wait for him. it had almost been 15 minutes. i tried calling and he wasn't picking up. i told myself id wait another 10 and then i was leaving.

it was 12:32pm now, i had tried calling him and he didn't pick up. i saw a bus coming from the top of the hill so i hurried to the bus stop and got on. i put my airpods in and rested my head against the window. continuously checking my phone for a text or call from him.

the bus pulled up to my stop. i thanked the driver and got off. then i heard my phone buzz. i looked down and it was ryan. he was calling me.

"i'm so sorry i got caught up in something where are you?" he said rushing to get his words out.

"its fine, i got the bus" i snapped.

"i told you to wait i would've came!" he said almost disappointed.

"ryan it's fucking ten minutes to one i wasn't waiting for this long on you" i snapped yet again.

"look i'm sorry, i'll pick you up at 6:30 and we can go out to make up for it?" he said apologetically.

"whatever" i said as i hung up. i was so angry. why'd he keep me waiting for that long, then told me i could've just waited? what an asshole. whatever i don't care.

i slammed my door as i got into my house, shaking the windows in the frame. im so glad my dad was on a business trip so i could let my anger out. i went straight into the gym that my dad had built before leaving for paris and dropped my bag. without gloves, or hand wraps i started punching the punch bag. each punch releasing a droplet of anger inside me. i kept punching and punching until i eventually calmed down. my knuckles were left ruby red raw and stung with every movement.

eventually i calmed down, i walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of grey goose from the wine cooler. i poured myself half a glass and drunk it pure. i felt it burn down inside me. god, i loved that feeling. i poured myself a second. and a third. and a fourth. till i started feeling a bit tipsy, i knew when to stop.

i lay down on the sofa and closed my eyes for a bit to let the time pass. i started getting ready at 5pm. i showered and put on my black moncler polo with a pair of black shorts. it was going to be warm in the club as it was mid summer and always filled with people. i poured myself a final half glass before i left as ryan texted and said he was outside. i quickly finished it and went outside to meet him.

"wow, you look good" he said while smiling at me

"don't think i'm not still annoyed" i said before kissing him on the cheek and giving him a sarcastic smile.

"jesus, smell the drink of you. how much have you had?" he said with concern

"only a shot, don't worry" i responded

he looked down at my knuckles. i knew he'd say something.

"what the fuck!" he exclaimed as he grabbed my hand bringing it closer to his eyes. i winced from the pain.

"i was boxing i didn't wear wraps and didn't realise it'd cut my hands that badly" i said defensively.

he gave me a look of disbelief but just sighed under his breath and told me to come on.