Birth Of My Son

Ánder and Pollito

Life with a newborn wasn't easy. But, it was hilarious to look at Ánder.

The way his little arms waved, the way he sneezed, his little curls, how his eyes traveled all over the place and how they widened every time family came over, which was every day. He seemed like a happy baby, over-all.

But, a newborn came with stress.

He wasn't a sleepy baby like I had hoped. He was loud, like his dad, and he was already energetic. He was also a hungry baby, so he drank from my chest at any given moment.

I felt sick and exhausted. While Daniel was helping all he could, there was still stuff he couldn't help with. I would stay up to pump milk, and Daniel would fall fast asleep.

Plus, Daniel was a deep sleeper, and I wasn't necessarily. So when Ánder would sob relentlessly, I would get up to tend to him.

So, this morning, at maybe 2:25, Ánder began wailing. He was only about 6 weeks old, so I understood what he was coming from. He didn't know anything and he wasn't sure what to do except cry.

So when I picked him up from his cradle at the side of our bed, his lips began smacking together. I huffed, knowing that he was simply hungry.

I sighed and pulled my top down, letting him attempt to latch on. I looked at Daniel's sleeping body and remembered how hard he worked today. He'd been tending to the ranch and had a harsh call with his coach about when he'd return.

I took Ánder to our living room and rocked him slowly, holding his mouth to my chest. But. He didn't seem to latch.

"You've got this, Ánder," I encouraged as he cried, his little face turning pink. He cried into my chest but had no desire to actually drink the milk.

"Please," I begged, my eyes glossy. I felt like I wasn't doing well enough as he was crying. Maybe I was doing something wrong amidst all of this. "Please, just latch."

But he kept on and kept on. I didn't know how to get him to stop.

Then, I began crying with him. My left tit was out, Ánder was crying, I was crying.

I heard footsteps, and I knew Daniel had woken up. I huffed as he knelt down in front of me on the couch.

"Let me help," he said as he took him from me.

It felt like within seconds, Daniel eased Ánder's sobbing.

"There we go, sweet boy," he soothed, setting him back on my chest to latch on. Ánder looked back at his dad instead of latching. I only cried harder.

"Why won't he latch?" I cried.

"Hey, he's just a baby. You're doing great, he's just a little... he just doesn't know.  He doesn't know what to do so he's just looking for us. He doesn't know anything."

"I know but I'm doing something wrong!"

"No, you aren't. He has a tiny little brain, he just doesn't know." Daniel kissed my forehead and tried to guide Ánder's face towards me, and soon enough, Ánder latched on.

But to be honest, I hated it. I hated the feeling of him chewing on me like that. It seemed like I no longer had any sense of personal space. Like the minute I found out he was conceived, Ánder was permanently part of my body.

"What's going on?" Daniel asked.

"Pollito... it feels like my body isn't my own. I leak all the time, I have to wear these diapers for bleeding, it hurts to go to the bathroom, my body is out of control. The stretch marks don't bother me, but I don't feel like myself. Remember when I peed myself last Tuesday? I'm tired of this. I want my body back. I love Ánder more than anyone, but I just wish my body was my own."

"I understand," he said, gently rubbing my shoulder. "I promise that I will do everything I can to make this better. Do you want me to do anything specific? Hmm? Can I get you something to eat if you're hungry? Or a Tecate?"

"I can't drink now."

"Well, he can settle for bottle-feeding. It doesn't matter if he doesn't like it as much. If he's taking up too much of your personal space, go to that. There's no shame."

"But Angelica breastfeeds and so does Mariella."

"And? You're you. I know you, and I know how you are with your body. You are more independent. If you want Ánder to stop attaching to you, that's fine. We'll get bottles."

I nodded a little, and Daniel and I sat in silence as Ánder finished his meal, and thankfully, fell right asleep in his father's arms.

---

It'd been four weeks of Ánder on bottles. Though he wasn't a fan, he got used to it. I was up, changing up diaper as he was looking around again.

He had a little onesie on that said "DILF". Daniel hated it, I loved it.

"You're the cutest little man," I whispered. "You're so cute, little Ánder, yes you are. With your little curls and precious ojos. You, you're a precious little boy."

Ánder really did look like Daniel. But, it was clear he'd grow into his own face, too. While he looked like every other baby, he sill had the looks of his father. He had his eyes and his chin, and he had a birthmark on his left wrist in the shape of a skin graze. He was a cute boy, which got him out of trouble from doing things like puking on me.

"Ánder, my cute potato," I gushed. "My elote y mi amor."

Since I didn't speak Spanish, as a kid I would give nicknames to Daniel using words I knew. I would call him "my chair," "my corn," "my duck." Then, of course, mi amor and more actual affectionate names.

"My little Gemini."

Though most people hated his zodiac, I loved that he was a Gemini. Ánder was born at 1:57 A.M. on My 24th of 2031, meaning he was a Gemini, his moon was Cancer, and his rising was Pisces. Daniel was an Aries, Aries, Gemini, while I was a Sagittarius, Gemini, Taurus.

Though Ánder was still a little boy, he was growing cuter by the day. Though most babies were bald, he was blessed with a head full of curls. Ánder was already my perfect little boy.

The way his eyes constantly traveled, as if he was always confused. It seemed like he met new people every day just because of how much family I had down here. And since he was the youngest, everyone wanted to see him. And since Daniel was the youngest of his family, all of his family wanted to see his kid most of all, and that was mixed with Daniel having only sisters.

Daniel was still nervous about parenting Ánder. Even shortly after he was born, Daniel was insecure over his skills at parenting. But, anytime he held our son, his cries would go away. When he take Ánder to practice, all the players were obsessed with him and they feel like uncles. Daniel was the best father around, simply because he loved his son.

---

Ánder was feeling sick, as was I. Both he and I caught a cold, and Daniel insisted he misses the next game so he could take care of us both.

I woke up at roughly 3:30 that morning, Daniel holding Ánder on his bare chest. Ánder was only in a giant diaper, probably half-asleep. Daniel had his eyes closed and was smiling as he rubbed his little back and head, twirling his fingers around his head. Ánder made little noises and his fingers stretched, but as he lay on his father's chest, I knew this was the life Daniel wanted most.

With Ánder asleep and Daniel holding him, that is what he had worked towards all his life.