He had lived every day as the one before. One after the last the days blurred together. He wanted nothing more than to find something to live for. To have a suicidal mate was unbearable. Especially when she doesn't know she's your mate.
She'd been...
When I agreed to do this I hadn't expected it to feel so awkward. I squirm in my seat. I can't help but, to recognize how out of place I am in such a nice and professional space. Dr. H seems like a nice enough woman but, I don't trust her in the slightest. I find myself wishing Eros had stayed. He and his grandmother went to go visit Apex and Diana.
"How have you been doing?", she asks me. She sits across from me with her legs neatly crossed at the ankle and hands clasped in her lap. From her posture, you'd think she was a queen. I don't think I've ever met someone who exuded so much grace.
"I've been good", I tell her. It's not a lie for once and I feel proud of that.
"That's good," she says, "I understand there have been a lot of changes in your life as of late and I just want to talk about how you've been coping with it all".
"I've been holding up pretty well", I say, "they've been mostly positive changes".
"Positive stressors are still stressors", she says with her usual disarming smile. I say nothing in return.
She sighs, "if you don't want to about it with me, that's okay but, it's important you talk to someone. I can refer you to a lot of great therapists and programs if you're interested".
"How are you so perfect?", I ask her. I don't mean to say the word but, I do.
She chuckles, "I am far from perfect".
"Have you seen yourself?", I ask her. She smiles at me but, it's different this time. I watch as reaches into her desk drawer and comes out with a package of makeup wipes. I quirk an eyebrow expecting her to show me she has acne or dark circles or something.
I watch as she swipes a couple of times at her cheek and pulls away to reveal a raised white scar. I have no idea how I never noticed it before. Next, she rolls up her sleeves to her elbows to reveal they too are covered in scars. I have no idea how I never noticed them before.
"What happened?", I ask.
She smiles at me, "we all have our demons". I can only nod.
"I have a feeling you and me aren't so different", she says.
"What do you mean?", I ask.
"I lost my parents when I was a little girl", she says, "I don't even remember them. After that day though I had to fend for myself. I'm sure you know how the world treats little girls with no one to protect them. Things seemed to get worse all the time. One day I realized that my situation could never get better until I left behind everything that had allowed for it to become the way it was. Still, it was hard to shake the effects it had on me. It's been ten years now and I still think about going back".
"Why would you want to go back?", I ask.
"I think you know", she says, "anything can become an addiction". I nod knowing exactly what she means.
"You miss it even after twelve years?", I ask.
She nods, "every day but, I'm stronger than I was then".
"How do you stop yourself from going back?", I ask.
"I found my ways of coping", she says with a smile.
"How can I do that?", I ask.
"You take a deep look inside yourself and decide that you want to change. You will probably make some mistakes in the process but, you will learn from them. You will eventually figure out the path you are meant to be on. From there you just take it one step at a time. Some days you will feel yourself falling behind. Some days you might even find yourself taking steps backward. But, if you are consistent, one day you will get to where you need to be".
"Do you think rehab would be the right step for me?", I ask.
"I can help you in the path you choose but, I cannot choose it for you", she says.
"I do want to get better", I say, "so I can be a good mate for Eros, he deserves a good girl".
She reaches across the desk and takes my hand in hers, "it's good to change for the people you love but, remember to love yourself too".
I smile at her, "okay".
"Dr. H", I start, "I think I would like to look into rehab options but, I'd like to talk things over with Eros before I make up my mind".
"Oh course", she says, "and, please, call me Hope".
The phone suddenly rings on her desk startling us both. She looks at the caller ID.
"Sorry I have to answer that", she says.
"No problem", I say. She takes it off the receiver, pushes the talk button, and holds it to her ear.
"Hello, Dr. H speaking", she says as pleasant as ever. She even smiles when she answers the phone. I'm going to be like her someday.
"Wait", she says, "what do you mean she's awake?".
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