He had lived every day as the one before. One after the last the days blurred together. He wanted nothing more than to find something to live for. To have a suicidal mate was unbearable. Especially when she doesn't know she's your mate.
She'd been...
"Is that really what you want?", I hear the words. I feel them fall from my lips. But, they can't be mine. I am so tired.
"Yes", she challenges. My body moves of its own accord. I kiss her again. This time much harsher than the last. She responds just as fervently. When I pull away her lips are swollen and slightly bruised.
"Is this what you want?", I ask.
"Yes", she says. I trail my lips down to the crook of her neck. She moans loudly when I find the place. I nip and suck at it lightly. She pulls my hair and brings me closer to her.
"Please", she begs. She does not know what she's asking for her. The realization sinks in, she has no idea what I'm about to do and she's not in her right mind. I sigh and pull away.
"I'm sorry", I tell her. Her hands stay threaded in my hair.
"I shouldn't have done that", I tell her.
"Done what?", she asks, "you didn't do anything".
"Let's just go to sleep", I say pulling away to get us some pajamas. I'm so tired.
"Why won't you fuck me?", she screams.
"Because", I say throwing her a shirt, "you deserve more than just fucking".
"Are you fucking that doctor", she spits the accusation with so much malice it stings.
"What are you talking about?", I turn to her.
"That's all men are", she snarls, "if you aren't getting it from me you must be getting it somewhere".
"I love you!", I shout my patience finally wearing thin.
"Then why won't you fuck me?", she shouts back.
"That isn't what love is", I tell her.
"Love isn't real", she says, "it's just a thing people say to make themselves feel better".
"No, it is", I tell her, "I know it is".
"How?".
"Because", I start, "because the first time I saw you I finally felt like I wasn't suffocating. Because no matter what you say or do I'm still grateful I get to hold you. Because waking up with you next to me and being reminded that I finally found you is the best part of my day. Because even when you're driving me crazy and making everything hard I can't imagine being without you ever again. Because I don't care about anything you had to do to survive before we met. Because I want nothing more than for you to be okay".
She stares at me with tears in her eyes. I go to her and pull the shirt over her head before taking her into my arms.
"I love you so much it hurts", I say. She starts to cry into my shirt.
"You're lying", she says.
"I'm not", I sigh, "and I'll spend my entire life proving it". I strip to my boxers and get into bed beside her. I pull the blanket over us and drape an arm over her waist.
"Tell me again", she whispers.
"I love you", she smiles at me even as tears still stain her cheeks.
"Are you sure?", she asks.
I reach up and wipe the tears from her face, "I'm sure".
"You don't care about my past?", she asks.
"I want to kill everyone who ever hurt you", I tell her, " but, your past could never steal my love for you".
"You won't change your mind?", she asks.
"Never", I press a kiss to her hair.
"Thank you", she says.
"Good night", I whisper. I watch her close her eyes. I watch as her breaths turn slow and steady.
I close my eyes and fall into my exhaustion. When I dream, I dream of her. I dream of a bright future with her by my side. I see how she smiles at me.
When I wake it's like I'm dreaming still. She looks so perfect. The early morning sun lands on her in such a way that she looks like an angel. It's like the heavens want to kiss her just as much as I. The heavens will have to wait though. She will be mine for the rest of my life.
I am reluctant to leave her. I'm scared she will run again. I'll have to put alarms on all the windows just to be sure she's safe. I also need to lock up all the medication.
I get dressed and go to the bathroom and take all the bottles from the cabinet. I decide to hide them in the safe in my office for now and only take the number of pills I'll need for the day with me.
My grandmother is in a good mood this morning. We get through her routine easily enough.
She takes my hand, "Napakabuting bata mo". I smile at her and take her to the kitchen to start breakfast.
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