All I Ever Needed

Nadine

Chapter One

Nadine

I open my compact mirror to make sure my face is hidden well as I sit on a bench near the field of grass a bunch of guys are playing soccer on. My eyes scan the players and I feel my heart race when finally spot him among them. 

            “I'm open!” I hear him shout to one of his teammates. 

            I stare at him longingly as he accepts the ball and maneuvers past his opponent. I never knew he could play soccer, or that he played anyway. It's one of the many things I've learned in the past month I've spent stalking him. 

            I know that he plays soccer two times a week, on Thursdays and Tuesdays. He goes to the gym on Mondays and Wednesdays, he spends Fridays and Saturdays with his friends and on Sundays he spends the day with Grace or stays home and studies. 

            I even know what time he does all those things. I've pretty much memorized his schedule and I stalk him on campus as well. I sit on a table not far from his if he has lunch at a time I don't have a lecture going on but I try not to get in his view. I don't need him wondering who I am, or worse, recognizing me.

            He and Grace stay in the same apartment a couple of blocks away from the university. And as for Grace? I stalk her when I can too. I even stalk my old friends who don't go to my college. And with all the stalking that I do, it's a wonder I still have time to study and to sleep. 

            I know this makes me sound creepy, but I just need to see him. Even if it is only for a little while, a glimpse will do. I need to make sure they're okay, that nothing's happened to them. He might've not been able to find me, but I found him pretty easily. 

            The hardest part isn't just staying away; it's staying away when I'm this close. 

            I smile to myself when he scores a goal. His friends clap him on the back and he grins and I feel my heart crumble. How long has it been since he's grinned at me like that? 

            Too long.

            The girls on the sidelines cheer loudly and I long to be cheering with them. I imagine myself standing there grinning at him from ear to ear, kissing him when he scores a goal like the other girls do with their boyfriends. A painful pang in my chest reminds me that that will most likely never happen. 

            My phone buzzes and I know it's a text from my probation officer, it’s not like I have many people to text now. And okay, I don't have a P.O, but that's what I call the person depriving me of my happiness. 

            Nice goal, huh?

            My smile immediately turns into a scowl. I've gotten used to having him or her text me randomly. Before it was creepy but now it's just downright annoying. Imagine being texted repeatedly in the middle of the night only to find the text saying to wear your green scarf tomorrow. 

            I don't even own a green scarf.

            I never text back though. The last thing I need is to start texting the person responsible for my loneliness. I continue to watch the match and when his team wins, I smile to myself again and get up to leave. I smooth out my clothes then look at him one last time.

            My heart stops when my gaze locks with his. Despite my disguise, I feel like he's figured out who I am. I know I should look away, but I can't. It's been ages since I got to get a really good look at him even if we're at least twenty feet apart. When I feel my feet starting to move closer he shakes his head muttering something to himself, throws his water bottle back into his gym bag and jogs over to his celebrating friends.