All I Ever Needed

Julian

Chapter Four

Julian

One of the main reasons I have one of the hugest egos around is because wherever I go, people get out of my way. I'm not stupid, I know I look slightly intimidating and back in my home town my private life wasn't exactly private, so you can only imagine how much it would inflate my head when I would see people staring at me as if I'm their boss or something. 

            Even when I moved to New York when I finished high school, people still looked at me warily even though they didn't know me. So you can imagine my surprise when a girl whose one foot shorter than me starts yelling at me for killing penguins. 

            I think surprise doesn't even cover it. Try mind-blowingly shocking. That's another reason I fell in love with her. She didn't treat me like I was some sort of criminal or look at me like I was going to shoot her kids right in front of her. She treated me the way she saw me; a guy with cigarette who to her appeared to be killing penguins. Granted she didn't really know who I was and that if she did she would be like everyone else, but still. 

            So you can understand why I got so pissed off at what my sister and my supposed best friend said. 

            We think maybe you should let her go.

            Like hell I can. She haunts my fucking dreams. Even if I wanted to ‘let her go’ I won't be able to. After I stormed out on the two of them I went to Ethan's place and crashed there. I knew Chase wouldn't leave Grace on her own so I didn't really have worry about her. 

            As I'm walking around campus with my hands stuffed into my pockets, I don't really notice people around me. I already have a lot on my mind. And seeing that my mind is elsewhere, I accidentally bump into someone. 

            She falls into the guy standing in front of her and he catches her. When she turns around I realize that I've seen her before. She's the same girl I saw yesterday watching my friends and I play soccer. 

            “I'm sorry,” I begin. As I'm about to tell her that I didn't see her, I pause. She seems familiar, very familiar and it's not because I saw her yesterday. 

            I notice how she tenses up. I know I've seen her somewhere before, but I can't put my finger on it. She's wearing sunglasses that cover most of the top part of her face so I can't see her eyes. 

            “Do I know you?” I ask. She coughs and looks at the ground. I've faked enough coughs to know that wasn't real. 

            “You seem… familiar,” I say quietly, my voice barely audible. I totally forget about the guy standing behind her and I don't really care. I know I know this girl but I can't figure out from where. And I know she's not one of my drunken one night stands. I hardly ever remember how those girls look. Honestly, they all look the same to me. 

            She laughs nervously. I've heard that laugh before, I know I have. “You must have mistaken me for someone else,” she says in an unnatural voice, as if she's trying to change it. 

            She looks up and smiles though it seems more like a grimace. “I'm sorry, I have to go,” she says before rushing past me. Her arm brushes mine a little and before I can think any more of it, I shake my head and continue walking. 

            I rack my brain, trying to come up with where I saw her but I keep coming up blank. Everything about her is familiar; her nose, her voice despite her attempt at hiding it, her mouth, her facial structure. I know I've seen her, I'm sure of it. 

            She's really short, but that doesn't help. I know a lot of short girls. 

            It's when I get off campus and see a seafood restaurant in front of me that has a shrimp on their logo I realize why she looked so familiar. 

            My subconscious comes up with one word; Nadine. 

            Instinctively, I turn around, ready to go after her but I know better than that. She's probably long gone by now and because of my slow brain she just slipped through my fingers. Damn it, she was right in front of me and I didn't realize that until too late. 

            “Shit!” I swear loudly. Do they have an award for stupidity? Because I just earned it. 

            Even if she doesn't want to speak to me for whatever reason it may be, if I had known it was her I would've grabbed her and made her talk to me, at least tell me why she left, why she doesn't want to be with me. 

            I ignore the pang in my chest and try to calm myself down. I swear, if I get my hands on Luke I'll make sure he regrets the day he was born. Groaning in frustration, I pull at my hair. I'm pretty sure the beanie I was wearing is now on the ground, but I honestly don't give a damn – even though its my favorite. 

            “Are you trying to go bald?” A voice behind me asks, “because there are easier ways if you are, much less painful.”

            I turn around and find a red haired chick who I've never seen before. 

            “Who are you?” I ask rudely. 

            She raises her pierced eyebrow and smirks at me. “Really, Julian? You've forgotten me?”

            How does she know my name? I stare at her, confused. “Am I supposed remember you?”

            “Ouch,” she says with a hand over her chest as if feigning hurt but her voice is still monotone. 

            I shake my head. I don't have time for this shit. “Look,” I tell her, “I'm kind of busy at the moment and I need to go.” I stuff my hands in my pockets and walk gruffly in the direction of my home. 

            “Wait up, Short Stuff!” The girl yells. I freeze in my spot. There's only one person who calls me that. 

            I turn around. “Abby?” I say in disbelief. 

            She smirks. “I knew that would trigger your awful memory.”

            Despite what just happened – concerning the fact I basically lost Nadine even though she was right under my nose, like, literally – I find a smile crawling onto my face. 

            “What are you doing here?” I ask. 

            She shrugs her thin shoulders. “Nothing much, just checking out the scenery.”

            I roll my eyes. That was a typical Abby response. She walks over to me and gives me a quick hug. 

            “As corny as it may sound, I've missed you, Double S,” she says when she pulls away. 

            I take a piece of her hair into my fingers. “What's up with the color?” I ask. Last I saw her, she had blonde hair, like really blonde. It could pass as silver. She looks so different now. Her make isn't as light as it used to be and now she has an eyebrow piercing in addition to a stud in her nose. “And the piercing?” 

            “Going for a new look,” she says nonchalantly. 

            “How about we go get some coffee and catch up?” I offer. “My treat,” I add at the end. 

            “Sure!” She chirps as she loops her arm through mine. 

            Abby and I have been friends for a long time and the last time I saw her was two years ago at her grandmother's funeral. She skipped town after that, leaving me a letter saying that she couldn't stay and live in the house her grandmother had left her because it brought back too many memories. 

            Her parents had died when she was three so her Gran was the only parental figure she'd ever known. When we were kids, I was pretty short. Like really short. And she was really tall, well for a girl anyway. Even now she's pretty tall. 

            Anyway, so seeing that she used to tower over me she used to call me Short Stuff. It wasn't until I turned fifteen that I hit my growth spurt but the nickname stuck. 

            We walk into the first coffee shop we see and place our order. We chat about mindless things while we wait, mostly catching up. 

            “So how's your mystery guy?” I ask her, referring to the guy she dated in our senior year but wouldn't tell me who he was. I used to think she had a crush on me but when she told me she found the love of her life I had been beyond relieved. I didn't want to have to lose a great friend over unrequited love.

            When I last saw her, she told me they were still together, but I didn't see him at the funeral. What kind of asshole does that? Not that I knew what he looked like, but still, he should've been there to comfort her. 

            There's a faraway look in her eyes and she smiles a little. “He's fine,” she says, “we're fine.”

            “So do I get to meet the lucky guy?” I tease. She made it pretty clear before that she didn't want me to know who he was. 

            “Sorry, Short Stuff,” she says chuckling. We take our drinks then take a seat on one of the tables outside. 

            “So what's got you so frustrated that’s making you willingly pull your hair out?” She asks. 

            My good mood immediately vanishes and I clam up. “Nothing,” I mutter. 

            She raises one of her eyebrows. “Spill.”

            I look down at my cup, my finger running over the brim. “I said its nothing, Abby.” My voice comes out harsher than intended. I don't mean to sound so snappy, but it's not like I'm proud of the fact that the only girl I've ever wanted to be with ran for the hills. I don't care about her reasons for doing that, it still hurts. 

            “Come on! It's been ages, I want to know everything I've missed, starting with why you seem to hate your hair so much.”

            The pleading tone in her voice makes me look up. For a second I actually contemplate telling her but I quickly shove that thought away. As great as it would be to talk to someone about this, seeing that the only people who know about this don't want to, I'm not that much of a deep and meaningful kind of guy. 

            “Drop it, Abby,” I say firmly. 

            She sighs dramatically and I know that this conversation is far from over. “Fine,” she stretches out, “I'll keep quiet, but I was just hoping to be of help to my best friend, you know, how best friends tell their best friends everything and try their best to help their best friends in whatever it is their best friends are going through?” Her stressing on the ‘best friends’ part doesn't go unnoticed. She's trying to guilt trip me into fessing up but it won't work. 

            “Can we change the subject?” I ask. “Please?”

            “Julian,” she says. I know she's serious because she never calls me by my name, always Short Stuff. “I just want to help.” One of her hands grab my own in a comforting way. “That's what best friends are for.”

            I sigh in defeat. “Fine, I'll tell you–”

            She claps her hands in delight and grins at me.

            “– but if you tell anyone, I'll kill you, best friend or not,” I add. 

            “My lips are sealed,” she says then pretends to zip her lips with her fingers. 

            I look down at my hands and start playing with my fingers, not really sure how to start. “When I went back home for the summer, I met someone–”

            Abby gasps. “Someone? A guy? Oh my God, Julian, are you gay?” She asks. She snaps her fingers together as if just figuring something out. “I knew it! I knew there was no way you could be straight and go through high school without at least one girlfriend!”

            I glare at her. “Shut up, Abby,” I snap, “I'm not gay.”

            “Are you sure? Because if you are, I know this totally cute guy who’s single and you're just his type–”

            “I'm not gay!” I say in a louder voice. People around us start shooting us wary glances so I mumble an apology. 

            She chuckles. “I know, I'm just teasing. So who’s this poor girl you've got your sights on?”

            I send her an annoyed look. “You remember James Carter?” I ask her.

            She nods. “Yeah, what about him?”

            “Yeah well, I met his daughter.”

            “I never knew he had kids!” She exclaims. 

            “He was married too,” I add. “But anyway,” I say, going back on track, “I met his daughter–”

            “And it was love at first sight,” Abby says dreamily. 

            I scowl. “Are you going to stop interrupting or what?”

            “Sorry,” she says with a sheepish grin. 

            “It was actually hate at first sight. She told me off for smoking in front of her and started going on about how I was killing penguins,” I say. A smile forms on my lips at the memory. 

            “And let me guess, you were a complete ass to her, right?”

            “You can say that...”

            Abby snorts. “Yeah right. You were an ass and you know it.”

            I roll my eyes. “Anyway, by some miracle she befriended Grace and we started to hang out more, albeit forcefully, but as I got to know her I just… fell for her, I guess,” I admit. 

            “Naww,” Abby coos. “So where is she now? Do I get to meet her and give her the whole ‘if you break my best friend's heart, I'll break your face’ talk?”

            “I don't know. Some stuff happened a couple of months ago and she just left. I mean, I know she's here in the city somewhere but I don't know where. We even go to the same uni, but each time I go looking for her, I come up empty handed,” I say truthfully. 

            “I'm sorry, Julian,” she says, her voice sympathetic. 

            “It's just, I know she didn't leave for the hell of it, I know there's something going on with her and I want to help but I can't because I don't even know where she fucking is! 

            “You want to know why I was pulling my hair out? It's because I just bumped into her, but I didn't realize it was her until it was too late! God, I'm such an idiot!” 

            I run a hand through my hair, pulling at it as I try to calm myself down. I don't know why I said all that, but I really do feel better. 

            “Julian,” she says softly, “you're not an idiot and she's the one missing out on such a great guy.”

            “Yeah, whatever,” I say, shrugging her off. 

            “You know what? I have a plan.”

            I look up at my friend. 

            “Why don't you try making her jealous?” 

            I snort. “Jealous of who? You?” 

            “No. But I'm pretty sure there's a lot of girls and guys–”

            “How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not gay!”

            She laughs at me. “A lot of girls who'd blindly agree to be your pretend girlfriend.”

            I think it over. It could work, thought I highly doubt it. It's not like she's going to come out of her rabbit hole and declare her undying love for me just because I allegedly found someone else. 

            That's if she even loves me. She never said she did, but I know that she's close. Why else would she have agreed to out on a date with me? I know for that for Nadine that's a pretty big deal. Or why else would she have willingly gone into the ‘woods’ as she calls it, at night and alone just to look for me?

            Besides, who would I even ask? It's not like I can go up to some random girl on campus and ask her to be my ‘pretend’ girlfriend just so I could make some other girl jealous. I don't really think anyone would be too thrilled. 

            “I don't know…”

            “Come on, Short Stuff! Just give it a shot.”

            I sigh. “Fine.”