My Stepbrother secret obsession

I Could Have Rethought

LEIGH

At pass one in the morning; dad helps Susan to their bedroom. The woman had been emotional since after Ava exited the theater, admitting every failed moment of her past relationship and how she regretted ever knowing Ava's father. In her defense, she was young and foolish but had sworn Ava was a miracle at the end of the day and was worth any struggle she endured, but she wouldn't want any of that for Ava.

Through the hour that passed, I had picked up a few things from what I have missed in the past year, like, Susan only wants the best for Ava but somehow doesn't understand her daughter anymore because their relationship flipped and come to be a strange distant bond since last summer.

I also learned that Ava is in a position where she presumes everyone as her enemy, and I understand entirely, given the people surrounding her aren't the best companies. I wouldn't say the time we had together before I left was enough, but through those days, I had gotten to know Ava adequately and saw her for who she really is.

Coming home after a year, a lot has changed of course, and we both might have grown up, which results in some changes, but I am convinced that the same girl who I found making tea in the kitchen is the same girl I came back to.

Behind those efforts, she pulls on to appear undaunted, was a girl struggling to find herself as she is growing up in a place no one cared enough to see through the pain she was hiding.

Changing homes is tough, but moving across the sea to an entirely new place is the worst. I know how Ava must feel, having said goodbye to a place she wasn't ready to leave. When mom died, and we had to leave our home where all the good memories were sowed, it was agonizing; I felt sore inside for years, trying to find myself in this city. But the wrenching pain lingers until time makes its effect, distancing me from constant remembrances and fading away the pain I thought would never leave.

Ava was going through the same situation, without having anyone to tell her it would be okay, and not to mention how bitter our relationship ended last year. Things clearly had been hard for her. All I thought was Susan would be there to support her daughter, but It was sad to come back and find the relationship between Susan and Ava had crumbled.

Well, for Lilith's case, it seems just the equivalent issue of Ava's, which is self-defense. Only the difference is Lilith could handle it because she had been living in defense since the juvenile stage, and Ava is trying to get the significance of all the things around her.
Lilith, on the other hand, uses attacks to block any kind of human connection. In contrast, Ava is easily inclined to believe people and instinctively has that urge to care for others no matter how much she tries to assemble a selfish and insensitive demeanor. She was just not it.

I am aware of the damage I did to her. I am mindful I was behind all her pain.

What floats in my mind as I head up the staircase to my bedroom was, have I been the head start of this disarray?

If only things had worked out last summer, no one would have suffered. I don't know about our parents, but I am sure Ava could have been happy. I had plans to visit every week. Hell, I even reconsidered skipping a year or two while aware of the consequences to face. But nothing mattered than having more time with Ava until papers and ink took that away from me and sent me far across the country, regretting every second I've spent writing in that journal.

The thought haunts me through the warm shower; it remains persistent while I put on my boxers brief and lay onto my bed that I find uncomfortable.

When everything felt conflicting, even breathing, I walked back to the walk-in closet and searched through my bags for a miracle.