Through the Good and the Bad (Redlyn AU)

Team Wonderstudies

Big Red's Pov:

With her head in my lap, I gently ran my fingers through Ashlyn's scalp for ten minutes. I was starting to get really worried that she wasn't waking up

"I love you"

I whispered fiddling with her braids

I could have swarn I saw her eyes then flicker at me and my heart skipped a beat

"Ash?"

I didn't expect an answer but her eyes opened and I saw a hint of a smile form on her lips

"I love you too"

She whispered back groggily

"What happened?"

She proceeded to ask weakly and clearly out of it. I felt so bad

"You passed out"

There was a silence for a moment as she began to orient herself back to what was going on

"The musical? Is it over?"

I took a deep breath, the poor girl was about to be really upset with herself. I knew that because I know her too well

"No, it's still going on"

She shot up but I tapped the front of her shoulder trying to urge her to lay back down

"But I'm supposed to be out there! And so are you!"

She said it far too loud which made her wince. I couldn't tell if it was a wince of pain or just mere disappointment

"Shhh, it's ok. People are covering for us. Everything is going to be alright"

I said still trying to direct her to lay back down on her back. Instead she rolled over onto her stomach throwing her head on my lap and burried her face into her folded arms. My heart dropped as her shoulders bobbed up and down and she started to cry

"I ruined the show"

She weeped

"No you didn't ruin anything, you could never ruin anything"

I knew this was coming and it pained me. I hated the way she is so quick to blame herself for everything and how negatively she can view herself for it. If only she could see what I saw in her

"Yes I did, everyone's probably mad at me"

"Honey, absolutely no one is mad at you. We're all here for you"

"I caused this mess"

Her voice was high pitched and shaky

"Ashy, baby, were you mad at Ricky when he stepped out of HSM?"

"No, why would I be mad at him. He was clearly out of it"

"You see? No one is mad at you baby"

She didn't say anything and just kept crying on my lap while I rubbed her back the way I usually do when she's upset. My heart broke for her as she just continued crying onto my jeans

"Sorry, I'm probably being way too dramatic"

"Your pain is valid honey, you're not being dramatic in the slightest. It's ok to cry"

Ashlyn hates showing any sort of "weakness" (and weakness is in air qoutes because she's the strongest girl I know). She's done this before where she's kept so much bottled up around others that she's just broken down the moment she's alone with me. It shows that she's truly comfortable around me but even so, I still feel like she holds back her true feelings about certain situations even with me