Why do I love you

1

The day Dazai left the Port Mafia I realiezed, I had been in love with the Idiot the whole time, I was mad at myself for falling for an Idiot like him, I started drinking and smoking. Like who would care anyway? I acted like an old snob but I didn't care. 

One day I was doing my Report like I usual did after a mission, until I felt awful like I needed to throw up I stood up and ran out of the office having the confused looks from the others behind me. I ran to next available toilette looked the door just in time,  I cought and cought until I saw blood coming out with some flowers?! *what in the?!!* my thoughts were soon interrupted by the second round. I felt weak blood was all over my face.

'knock knock'

"Chuuya are you in there?" it was Kōyō "yeah" i awnserd fast "Are you okay? You just ran off like nothing ?!" she asked worried "Yeah I'm good, probably ate something wrong" I lied "You should take the day off. I will write the Report for you" I knew talking back wouldn't work with her "If you say so, thanks" I heard Kōyō leave when the door opened a second time "You know. When you get worse or need help or if something is wrong you can always talk to me Chuuya" she sounded very worried. I felt pretty bad she was like a Mom or sister to me but I didn't want to make her worry about me so I didn't tell her " I know" is all I awnsered worried that I would caugh again if I talked to much. Then she finally left. I slowly got up from the ground with all my strength *this is bad! Shit!* I slowly unlooked the door peeking outside to make sure I was alone. *No one here! puhh* I sight in relief stepping over to the Washingbin as fast as I could. I looked into the mirror I looked pale and weak eybags under my eyes I was pretty excausted from the whole coughing thing. I checked The cabin I was in one more time making sure there was no blood or flower left. I turned back getting out of the toilette.

"Hello Chuuya" I heared from behind  while walking down the coridor of the huge building. I turned my head around "Oh god! Chuuya-senpai you look terrible!" It was gin and Higuchi I was a bit suprised  gin greated me "You alright Chuuya-san?" gin asked "Hello you two. Yes I'm fine a bit sick thats all" I awnsered "I'm so sorry Chuuya-senpai get better soon!" Higuchi squicked "yes Chuuya-san get better soon" gin wispered "Thank you. Gin you're very talking much today thats great well I will be off now see you" I saw gin trying to hide her now red face. "SEE YOU AROUND CHUUYA-SENPAI" Higuchi yelled and waved as I was walking off. I massaged Mori that I would be taking off today and tomorrow. 

I Knew that this disease is deadly and it is removable but I would have to inform everyone and I didn't want that. I sat down at my couch and searched to find out more about that disease. "HOW MUCH?!!! WHO WOULD HAVE THAT AMOUNT OFF MONEY! DAMN IT!" I screamed out its not like anybody hears it I stared at the laptop still in shock. The price of the removal and treatment would cost more than 10000000¥ I mean I am in the Port Mafia and all but no I didn't even in my dreams wanted to pay that much for a shitty treatment! I was now starting to tear up, not because I knew I was slowly dying, no. 

When I finished my breakdown I was coughing again *Marigold huh well not big off a suprise* I stared at the bloody floor it looked disgusting. *WHY ME!?* I screamed on the inside I cleaned my mess and laied down to sleep. 

I woke up from the sun feeling all good and fine so I decided to not listen to Kōyō and go to work after getting a shower and putting on my usal cloths. I looked in the mirror my face was better a bit but you still saw it was paler then usual. My  eyebags where gone tho. I wrote Mori a message that I changed my Mind and will be at work to wich he replide with an 'thats great my dear chuuya-kun come to my office when youre here' So I did. I drove there with my motorcycle, as I got into the building Kōyō spottet me wich wasn't really what I wantetd "Chuuya shouldn't you be at home resting?!" she asked mad and worried. "Kōyō I'm feeling allright so I came don't worry" she sight " No you should be at home Chuuya" I looked at her " I am off Mori wanted to talk to me but thanks for worring" thas all I said then I just left. I felt bad leaving her standing like that but Mori really wanted to see me and I didn't wanted to be late. I got into the elevator.