Wishing And Wondering ⚣

Ten Mistakes

Chapter Ten: Ten Mistakes

"Even when
I make mistakes
You're always there
To kiss them away
You have never
Gotten angry
At me for being human
So I thank you
My love
Because I'm very much trying
My best"

I'm going to finish this story on Friday, cool cool? So I'm updating the next 4 days

Jackson

It's been three months since Ethan left and I've started to notice my true luck returning. When he's not around for so long things like parking tickets, bird poop, rear endings, cat losing, and wrist spraining. All in a span of a week.

He said he wouldn't be gone more than a month, but time probably goes slower in heaven or whatever.

It started with me I guess. He freaked out after I had sex with him, he's an angel, he needs abstinence and love instead of rushing. So he went to apologize I suppose, he just told me he had to leave and then, he was gone. Just not there, no remnants of his existence left.

What happened next wasn't his fault at all, I realize, I just wish I had someone to blame the mess on.

My first mistake was pitying myself. "Why does everything happen to me? Why does everything good in my life leave?" I would ask myself. I pitied myself into a hole called depression, which was my second mistake.

My mother had depression when I was growing up, and I imagined I looked like her. Dirty, crying, pitying myself even more, screaming, digging myself into a hole that no one really ever escapes. Unless you make my third mistake.

Throwing back shots of tequila, mugs filled with pure vodka, beer after beer, cups of whiskey, bottles of wine and champagne, I was a wreck.

And we all make the mistake. You get drunk, wasted, high, higher, and you pick up that lovely and welcoming piece of technology just to call the wrong person. But you don't know what you're doing, you just call whoever the fuck you want! And if by any chance they are desperate or drunk, wasted, high, higher themselves, well..

I would find myself in bed with said wrong person. When you're alone, you're wasted, you're upset, and there's one person to run to, it's your desperate ex girlfriend of three years. She missed me she said, I missed her, I said. We both knew better, but we did it anyway, and I prayed that he wasn't looking.

In the morning I woke up alone. It was a dream? No, the drinking was not. My head throbbed, my skin crawled and my stomach churned. After emptying my bowels, she was there, maybe I was still drunk, maybe I was lonely, but Alyssa climbed back into bed with me, and we did it all again.

Well that's nine things I could have avoided,

1. pitying
2. depression
3. drinking
4. calling
5. telling
6. calling the wrong person
7. hooking up
8. thinking it was a dream in the morning
9. continuing
10. not locking the door

My tenth mistake. The door was open, she was loud, I knew that it would be soon that he came back, I didn't know how soon. Ethan looked at us melancholy pity, there's no worse feeling than seeing someone you love with hurt in their eyes because of you.

Alyssa dressed quickly and I did too. Ethan left us to make ourselves decent and sat at the kitchen table. When she was fully dressed, she sat on the bed and watched me pull on my pants. "We should do this more often." She said. I looked at her and unlike last night, I felt disgusted. She's a whore, she's not for me.

"I'd love to, but you're a complete bitch and no matter how drunk I am," I took her by the arm and dragged her to the front door, "I will never stoop so low" I grab her purse from the living room couch,"as to sleeping with a slut like you." She couldn't get a word in before I opened the door and pushed her out. "Goodbye." The door slammed between us.

My head is pounding and my stomach is turning itself in knots, but maybe that's just the guilt. Ethan is sitting at the kitchen table, staring at his lap, I don't want to face him.

Slowly and cautiously, I make my solemn way over to Ethan. I sit in a chair, and keep my eyes on him, he looks upset. "Ethan I am so sorry. I didn't know if your were coming back I didn't know if you were even my miracle anymore and I just want you to know," he cut me off.

"Jackson, I saw what happened. You were drunk and you smoked marijuana, I understand what you did." He met my eyes sadly. "I just wish I'd got here sooner, I'm not even supposed to be back yet, but I suppose he would know that I would disobey him before I've even done it..." Ethan trailed off in thought of "him."

"I don't understand." And I don't. Why didn't he tell me he'd be back? Why didn't he stop Alyssa from coming over? He could have done anything from heaven but instead he let me mess up just to forgive me. "You were lonely. I understand, I'm just sad you did it, please don't do it again. But it is his grace to forgive and learn from the mistakes we've already engaged in. You're my best friend, and I like to kiss you too. You had sex with my human body, you're special."

In a weird way, I think that meant 'I love you, so I forgive you.'