This Was Home [h.s.]

| 10. THAT OAK TREE |

Grief.

I hadn't experienced it like this before. I grieved when my childhood dog died when I was younger, but that didn't prepare me for this feeling. I felt like I lost a part of myself.

I sat on the ground, my back pressed up against the wall as I was leaned beside my mom's bedroom door. My legs were tucked into my chest with my forehead rested on my knees and my focus stayed on the inhale and exhale of my breath.

For a brief moment I felt like I was a kid again. It was as if I could still hear Alayna's toddler footsteps running across the hallway in front of me. Her small, kiddish laughs following the trail of toys she was leaving. My mom wasn't far from her, picking them up as she passed. She would lowly grumble to herself, but then chase right back after her making her squeal with more laughter and dropping the rest of the toys on the ground.

My head quickly rose up, thinking I'd see them standing right in front of me. Instead it was the same darkness that was there before.

"Let's get you to bed." Harry was in front of me again, extending an arm my way. I hesitated before grabbing onto it, allowing him to raise me to my feet. My legs shook and felt like they could give in at any second. I really must have been sitting there longer than I thought.

Harry braced a hand into the crook of my arm to keep me steady. With shaky fingers I pointed toward the direction of my room. The room I had known so well. The room I had created so many memories in. It was my fortress when I was younger, but felt like a dungeon now—trapped by what was once called home and full of joy, now all just memories.

Harry pushed the door open. It creaked against the impact. He paused, looking back at me as I stared emotionless facing the room. My feet were planted firmly at the entrance and I was unable to move them any farther. My whole body felt frozen, I couldn't even look to my side to face Harry.

His patience wasn't something I had ever expected from him. In any other circumstance I would have gotten a snappy comment or at least a slight push to hurry up. I wasn't getting any of that now. I was instead getting understanding and patience without him having to speak a single word.

"Harry?" My eyes flickered over to him, my body still stiffened.

"Yeah?" He looked at me rather intensely, probably to decide his words carefully.

I chewed on my lip nervously, glancing back at the room and then to him, "I don't think I can sleep here tonight."

A tear began to form in one of my eyes as I spoke. I had to bite on my lip harder to fight it from falling down.

"Hm," he hummed out in thought and spun around. "Where do you want to sleep then?"

I wasn't exactly sure. I just knew I didn't want to be upstairs. Not with knowing that my mom was only a couple doors down the hall.