You, Alone. ✅

Chapter 2

Happier than ever - Billie Eilish

Finishing secondary school was the highlight of my teenage life. Not just because I was done wearing uniform, but because I thought I would finally be free. My decision was to apply for a university that's far from home and live on my own.

I decided that was the only decision that could help me finally feel freedom, meet someone, love and breathe.

My mother however had other plans. She insisted on me studying in the university close to us. So I go and come back home.

The first bold step I did was to walk over to my father and plead. I remember gulping and hiding my fear as I watched him sit on his couch.

He noticed me and asked in an indifferent tone "What is wrong?

I mustered up the courage and walked to him. Sat by the foot of the chair and in an almost inaudible voice said "Daddy I don't want to school here"

My father was quiet for some time and then he said "Why not?

I couldn't talk and I couldn't lie either. I couldn't tell him it's because of them, him and my mom. It's because of the toxic life they're living.

"I want to be...independent"

I chose my words carefully, slowly afraid that I would trigger him. He considered me for some time without looking and then said

"If you want independence, get married. Your mother wants you to school here and be close to her"

I remember the hatred and rage that boiled through my veins. How did my mother get the nerves to say that? Be close to her? Since when did we manifest being close? This is a woman who is nothing less than a stranger to me and she wants us to be close?

"Daddy please. I really need to meet new people and socialize"

"You are going to school here Ammara and that's it"

The voice of my mother came behind me and I took a deep breath to regulate mg breathing. I raised my eyes to see my father has turned his attention to the TV and my mother was arranging the dining table. Knowing that was their way of dismissing me, I stood up and quietly walked out of the living room.

I have never felt this much anger towards her. Not even when I started my period and got no attention from her. My friends helped and taught me everything I needed to know. I remember laying on my bedroom floor as my stomach clenched and I felt myself dripping.

I cried and called her. Fifteen calls that went unanswered. I was scared at the blood and pained from the ache. Most of all I was hurt, hurt when I had to stretch to my bed and call my friend because my own mother wasn't there.

Hours later she came home and claimed to be in a meeting when I was calling. She asked me if it was important.

A mother asked her child hours later if the fifteen missed calls the child she left alone at home did was important.

I wanted to scream and scratch at her make up coated face. Instead I shook my head coldly and turned away from her. Each step she took out of my room felt like thousands of needles prickling my skin.

That was the day I lost any hope in establishing a relationship with her.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

I got enrolled into a private university, met a couple of friends whom we started doing things together. We go to class together, sit together, eat together and even hung out together. Life was pretty much mundane for me but it was good. There was nothing out of the ordinary and I like that. I liked my days of normality.