You, Alone. ✅

Chapter 14

Rayyan's POV

Fire on fire-  Sam smith

I stared hard at the mirror and tugged my beanie cap, securing it on my head. My eyes were starting to look hollow and that, for the first time scares me. 

It shouldn't scare me, it never scared me. So why now? What changed?

The door opened and Binta peeked in "Are you leaving?

"Yes"

"Breakfast?

I was about to shake my head when I decided against it and replied "Yes please, I'm coming down in a minute"

She nodded and closed the door while I stared at myself yet again before standing up, grabbing my phone and walking down the stairs. We sat at the dining table together with my sister, her children and her husband.

Her husband had looked at me when we were eating and said "Rayyan you're looking tired. Do you take your medications?

I nodded "Yes I do"

He said nothing and the dining fell into light conversation. After breakfast, I walked out of the house, into my car and to the one place I have to go but always hope I stopped going.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

My therapist was giving me that look. The look that pierces into you and lay out each and every of your thought.

"Good morning Mr Rayyan"

"Good Morning Mimi"

"You missed our last two session" She regarded me with a knowing smile "Still running?

"Still avoiding" I corrected her adjusting my sitting "My manager booked this"

She nodded "I supposed he did" She heaved a sigh "How are you?

I looked at her for a few minutes before saying "Confused"

This, had her brows shoot up "Confused? Well that's a new feeling isn't it. We are normally numb, not confused"

"Exactly"

She smiled "Did you find an interest? Food, place, skill, hobby you liked? Something that made this world a little bit less hellish than what you proclaimed it to be?

I shook my head "Not food, not place skill or hobby"

"A person then? She asked disbelievingly

I slowly nodded

"Wow. A person! Well that's good, that's absolutely good. It is better to be confused Rayyan because then as you're considering the bad, you're also considering the good. You never know which wins"

"She helps me escape, not lead me out completely. These voices are still here"

My therapist nodded "It takes time"

My eyebrows shot up "Time for what? I'm still not trying to fight anything"

She kept quiet and diverted the topic "Tell me about her"

I gazed at her reluctantly before saying "Her name is Ammarah, we met at the market and she still think I own a spice shop there. Like I said, she confuses my emotions. Moments with her, feels different"

"You didn't tell her you don't just own a spice shop?

"I like who I am in her eyes"

My therapist raised a brow "Who are you in her eyes?

"A young man with a bright future. One with dedication and zeal to conquer the world" I looked up and added "As cheesy as that sounds"

"Why just be an impression when you can be?