Firefly || Mezo Shoji

05. Worn Out Apologies

Dawn broke through the barrier of the yellow and white gingham curtains—the mellowed warmness of the day's first light melting over my covered body. Sleep was still distinct in my muscles as I stretched my arms and legs out with a stifled groan.
My outstretched hands, however, were met with emptiness on either side of my body. I snapped open my slumber infused eyes and looked around hectically. It appeared that I had once again slept through the entire night alone. Bringing my legs up, I rested my chin upon the tops of my knees—hugging them close to my chest.

I missed the days of waking up swaddled by the intense heat of another. Arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tight against their chest. Lips tracing down the back of my neck while they whispered nothing but words of affirmations.
"Good morning, have I told you how fucking sexy you are?" the natural husk to Kenji's voice was even more tantalising in the early hours of the morning.

Those mornings were the part of my day that I favoured the most. But now, I would be lucky if he even made it past the bedroom threshold before he passed out. Either by the sheer exhaustion of staying up all night rehearsing or under the cruel intoxicating spell that was liquor.
I already had a pretty good idea which one of the two was his reasoning for this time around.

I peered over to the clock, its mechanical ticking being the only other noise in the room beside the soft rise and fall of my breathing.

10:34 am

Usually, sleeping in so late into the day would have had me scrambling out of bed in a blind panic—if not for the knowledge of realising that today was a Saturday. My day off. So, I was in no rush to be doing anything. My first point on today's agenda was to check to see if Kenji had made it home safely last night.

Quietly, I hopped out of the bed. Bare feet being met by the obtrusive coldness of the wooden floor. I opened the door that led into the living room, mindful of moving it too fast so it wouldn't creak against the old hinges.

Relief settled over me at seeing Kenji sprawled out across the couch. Pillows carelessly strewed across the floor of the room—no doubt thrown off the couch while in his inebriated state. Mouth agape slightly—a soft snore spilled out from him with a rattle. All of yesterday's anger and disappointment now wiped from his expression. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful. I wanted to go to him—comb my fingers up through the fringe of mousy brown hair that fell over his brow.

However, doing that could wake him and I wasn't prepared to have him even more annoyed with me than he already was. I was content with just knowing that he was home safe.

Once the door was shut, I turned back around and headed to the bathroom. Going back to bed wasn't an idea that had me thrilled. Seeing how much light was spilling through the small crack in the curtains, it was clear that the day was too nice to be cooped up inside.

I switched the shower on, allowing it the time needed to heat to the optimum muscle-melting temperature. The room being filled with the pleasant sounds of water pattering against the smooth ceramic surface of the tub.
I ridded my body of the sunflower patterned pyjamas—tossing them into the wicker laundry basket to be washed later this weekend. Ochre yellow eyes stared back at me in the mirror as I lifted my gaze—my unadorned reflection being one of no particular significance. The rosy complexion of my slightly rounded face, the speckling of freckles that painted over the apples of my cheeks—running over the bridge of my nose and the waves of golden hair framing it all. None were features that I deemed as being desirable. They were all too cutesy and childish.

Unlike Cassidy for example, with her perfectly sculpted cheekbones and pouty full lips. Not to mention her flawlessly porcelain skin, free from any imperfections or blemishes. She was undoubtedly the ideal woman—I could never imagine contending with her beauty.