Love is for children

Is that my jacket?

"Love is for children." As I stare into my own face in the mirror, it's as if I can hear Madam's voice right next to me. "Love is a weakness." I recall the countless hits we received when one of us even showed an ounce of emotion. I splash some water in my face in an attempt to get back to the present and out of the memories of the red room. "Sex is a weapon, not something to enjoy." Countless men raped each and every one of us daily as a way to teach us this lesson. "Any form of emotion will be punished." And we were. "You are made of marble, the perfect doll to puppeteer." Come on Natasha, I whisper to myself. Recalling the past is of no use, you know that. I dry my face with a towel and think about the woman who got me standing in front of the mirror in the first place: Wanda Maximoff. It has been months since the events with Ultron happened and she had moved in with the rest of us. Everybody in the compound has noticed the affection I felt for the girl and the friendship that had started to bloom, but part of me was worried I might be feeling more for her. Was happy. Was confused. Was scared. I had never learned to love, or to feel anything for that matter. The red room was all about creating perfect robots to fulfill their bidding. My time with the Avengers helped me get more in touch with my emotions but I was nowhere close to allowing love to find a place in my life. Even though I had started to learn to trust my teammates, relying on yourself was still the best way to go in my opinion. And how could you do this if you were feeling lovey-dovey for someone? I sigh and walk towards the small kitchen in my apartment. Stark made sure that even though the compound has a kitchen, a living room, and a recreation area to share with one another, all of us also had these things in our own apartments. Sometimes after a mission we just needed to be alone. We all had our own background story that made some things harder to deal with. I open the kitchen cabinet and take the stuff I need to make spaghetti. It's easy to make and I've always been fond of it, even though my favorite food is Wanda's paprikash. As I do this my mind goes back to the past few months I have shared with the brown haired woman.

I remember her appearing on the battle against Ultron together with Steve, wearing one of my clothes. My favorite red leather jacket to be precise. At that point I was still overwhelmed by how she had infiltrated my mind. I wasn't scared of her, and even if I had been I would never admit that to myself, but I was cautious none the less. For a moment I couldn't help but notice that she looked good in it, not that that meant that I was going to go easy on her. She was still the reason why I had to live through all of the horrors of the red room once again, even the ones I had buried deep inside my mind. And even though she clearly tried to make up for her mistakes, this didn't mean I could just trust her. After all, I only ever trust myself. "Is that my jacket?" I asked with a stern voice, not letting them hear the emotions I was hiding. I could see her swallow, nervousness clearly present in her movements. "She's with us." Steve explained with his typical Captain America tone. "That still doesn't explain the jacket." I pointed out. I wasn't angry about it, even though that's how I probably sounded, I was more surprised about the fact that somebody was brave enough to touch one of my belongings. Immediately she turned away embarrassed, clearly she hadn't been aware of the fact that the jacket belonged to me. I looked to the side as I saw Clint joining us. "Fighting these robots is getting us nowhere." Steve mentioned and Clint immediately joined the conversation. "The air is getting thin, if we go much higher people will start dropping." It's as if this caught Wanda's attention. "There are people in the city still hiding." It sounded as if she had her emotions pretty much under control, which was something that I could respect. "Lure them out." Wanda nodded and turned around to leave. "Barton..." Steve didn't even have to finish his sentence. "I've got her six." Clint shared an understanding look with me and followed the young woman. I had to admit the fact that she intrigued me, but for now I pushed this to the back of my mind and concentrated on the task ahead of us.

From the very start Wanda had moved something inside of me, I had to admit it, at least to myself. As I put the spaghetti in the boiling water I think back to the first couple of weeks she was with us.