What if...

Chapter 6

AN: This is another emotionally tough one, but I promise this will be the last one...

Even though he had promised not to let it get awkward between them in the 2 weeks after the kiss, it wasn't easy for David to stick to that promise.

Thinking back at that night, in her dressing room... he was still amazed what a kiss could do to him. If anything, this had just made him want her more. So keeping his distance, playing it cool, acting like nothing happened... not the easiest task.

He knew that she hadn't broken up with Tate, and he did not dare to cut into that topic again. He had promised to give her time, and he did not want to seem pushy or pressure her in any way. So he did his best, tried to push it all away and be patient. Even if it was killing him inside.

To add to that, the writers had decided over the past weeks to "spice" up the relationship between Ross and Rachel by introducing a new, hot male colleague for Rachel that would trigger Ross's insecurities and turn him into a jealous wreck. Not the best premise when all you wanted is that real boyfriend out of her life. He was unsure if it was just increasing his torture to see their on-screen relationship fall apart slowly or if not having to be too close to her made it easier.

They had been fine together and managed to keep it chill as parts of the group and nothing had changed. But somehow, the possibility to talk to her in private had not presented itself. He did not want to have that talk on the phone, and going to her house was not really an option as more likely than not, Tate was going to be there.

What happened though, and that was what gave him hope, was her watching him whenever she thought he did not notice, her look transpiring the sweet torture of looking at something you desperately wanted, still undecided if it was a good idea.

The previous week, the storyline had reached its peak when Ross and Rachel had gotten into a fight, decided to take a break and Ross drunkenly ended up with the girl from the copyshop. Which had been incredibly painful for him already.

When he came to his dressing room this morning, he was already dreading the white bundle of paper waiting for him. Because his gut feeling was telling him that this was not leading to anything good.

He sat down on the couch, staring a hole into the pages of the next episode script on his dressing table. After a few minutes he decided to rip the band-aid off. He picked it up, opened the first page and started to read. With every page he turned, his heart sank a little more.

This was going to be it for Ross and Rachel. At least for now. And since Jen kind of had left him hanging, he would loose his last resort he had with her for now. His one chance to be close to her. And what was even worse, he was positive they would spend a fair share of episodes hating each other. He had no idea how he would be able to get through this.

After finishing his read, he went out and could see the rest of the gang was already seated at the table they used for the first read of a new script before rehearsals started. He sat down at his usual spot next to LeBlanc, who picked up on his mood immediately.

"Hey, you alright, Schwimmer?", Matt asked.

He never talked to any of the others about the intensity of the feelings he harbored for Jen. First, because he thought it was not going anywhere, and when things had actually begun to move forward from his side, out of respect for Jen and the reason WHY she feared to follow her heart. Still, he was pretty positive the others had catched up on it. But he did not want to make it all too obvious now, so he simply said:

"Yes, it's just that... you know it's sad to see what happens there. It was a lovely storyline, and to see it dissolve like that... I know it probably is for the greater good, but that doesn't make it any better if you ask me."

Matt nodded his head to indicate that he understood. Then, for the first time that day, he looked at Jen. She was looking him directly in the eye and what he saw seemed to be a pretty accurate reflection of his own heartbreak.

Somehow,  they managed it through that table read and also through rehearsals in that week, only briefly diving into the most painful scene that was upon them, as it was advised to them by Marta and David, hinting that it would make the actual scene more real if it did not seem overly rehearsed.

He had been thankful for that, not having to dive into this seeming goodbye over and over again.

On tape night, he had managed to get through the first part of the episode, the chase to keep Rachel from finding out about Ross' infidelity, relatively smoothly.

The first time it really hit him that this was going to happen today was when he begged Gunther to not tell Rachel, only to find out he already had when he saw the heartbreak on Jen's face.

He felt like he was moving on autopilot while doing the first scenes with Ross and Rachel fighting in the girl's apartment. When they had waited outside in the hallway, ready to enter the set for the first of those scenes, he had contemplated talking to her, but in the end, he did not have it in him.

Then, before the final scene, the one they never really rehearsed, there was another second when nobody was watching them. He did not even know why he did it, but he landed his hand on her shoulder, trying to silently communicate with her, only to feel her tense up under his touch. Before he was able to adress her, the moment had passed and they had to start the scene.

He had no idea what happened there, but this scene felt more real and more painful then any real life breakup he had gone through. Both of them had ended up crying, and with the way she looked at him at the final lines of the dialogue, he was 100% certain: she was telling him that whatever was cooking between them was not going to happen.

"This can't be it..."

"Then how come it is?"

When he came home, hardly able to keep it together while leaving the set and on the car drive to his house, he threw his keys and jacket into the nearest corner, fell on his couch face first and finally let the tears stream down his face.

These were not Ross' tears over loosing Rachel by his own fault, this was David letting out his own heartbreak over the girl he loved, who had never been his to begin with. And not by his own fault, but because of powers out of his control. How could life be so unfair? And how could god, if he even existed, let something like this happen?

He did not have it in him to blame it on Jen, because in a way, he totally understood her motivation. And apart from his current advantage in his career, which he was 100% certain was only temporary, he knew that this business was unfair to women in so many ways. He understood her fears, but in the end, whatever the reason was, his pain at this moment was very real.

What kind of fairytale was this where the prince laid it all out for the beautiful girl he was pining over, and she still chose to go for the guy that was "a trusted friend" instead of finding true love? If he ever met the author of this he would kick him in the nuts!

When he felt he had not tears left, he went to the shower, put on some comfy clothes and laid down on his bed, looking at the ceiling. Knowing exactly that he would never be able to sleep now. He went back downstairs, grabbed a tumbler and a bottle of Bourbon to pour himself a drink. Sipping on his whisky, he looked out of the living room window.

It had started to rain heavily, which matched his current state of mind. When he looked at his carreer, stars really seemed to align for him. But was this even worth it if the one person he wanted to share his life with wasn't there?

All of a sudden, he heard an urgent knock on the door, that did not stop until he had reached it and turned the knob to open it.

Outside, he found a very wet Jen, eyes red from obvious crying. On her face, framed by wet hair, he saw a mixture of guilt from seeing his deranged state, but mostly relief, excitement and love.

When he opened his mouth to ask her what she was doing here, she interrupted him:

"I'm sorry it took me so long. But I am here now."

With that, she crossed the doorstep to close the distance between them. She took his face in both of her hands and kissed him hard.

Without any questions asked, he took her in his arms and reciprocated her kiss.

AN: aaaand another plot twist 😈