What if...

Chapter 7

AN: Sorry about the tease, but I wanted to get a few questions out of the way before moving on to the good stuff... plus some suspected he might have been dreaming, so... enjoy!

The previous two weeks had not been exactly easy on Jen. And while she knew she was making things a lot harder for herself than she had to, she was not able to pull herself out of that hamster wheel that was her head.

After sleeping on her little "get-together" with David for a night, she was still confused, but she knew that this little rabbit hole she found herself in worrying about her carreer was not as deep and winding as she had made it out to be.

She knew her own worth. She knew, that with determination and discipline, she would find her way in this business with or without a man by her side. And even if it complicated things for her, she knew he would always be worth it, and most importantly, she knew he would always have her back no matter what. Because he was not only a lover, but the most loyal friend one ever could have asked for.

Then, her train of thought had changed tracks for a short while to a topic they had approached on the show already: She knew, even if they were able to hide their relationship from the majority of the crew and especially the general public (which she was sure she would prefer at least for the time being) they would not able to do so with their friends for too long. What would happen to the group dynamic with them? She knew it had gone exceptionally smooth for Ross and Rachel, this transition, but she was unsure if this would happen in reality, too. How the rest of the gang would take it. As a response to that, she had recalled to herself what Ross had said to Rachel on the balcony: that in the end, it was nobody's concern but theirs, even if it was strange for the others in the beginning.

That only left her with one Tate-shaped problem. It had been clear to her from the beginning that she would not let something like that kiss happen again until she had cleared that one up. She was pretty sure she would not be able to stop herself the next time, and since she knew David well enough to acknowledge that he only had so much self control, she knew what inevitably going to happen. She could not let herself be alone with him until she had laid it all out for Tate. She had never been a cheater, and she sure as hell was not going to turn into one.

Then, the relationship of Ross and Rachel had been desiccated within the next few episodes, and suddenly, the days on set had become painful to her. Not in a dreading, crying yourself to sleep kind of way - there had been longing glances and small smiles exchanged with David that made it bearable - but in a "I just want to have some peace when I get home and no more drama please" kind of way. So she did not have it in her to talk to Tate. Instead, she had blamed her lack of interest in "the physical part of the relationship" on an emotionally rough patch at work. Which even had been kind of true, if you left out the fact that in a weird way, she felt like cheating on David in case anything happened with Tate. They had basically spend their evenings hanging out like friends, watching TV or playing a card game.

Somehow, she had let 3 weeks pass like this, the last one being extremely painful with the grief of the Ross and Rachel breakup hanging above everyone's heads like a dark cloud. She was sure that, over all this time, David had put on a brave face and that she really had tested his patience.

But it only hit her like a ton of bricks what torture she obviously had put him through when they had taped the breakup scene tonight. She had seen not Ross, but David fall apart infornt of her very eyes, obviously drawing the wrong conclusions from her behavior. And suddenly, she had found herself drowning in her own guilt about the fact that this had never occured to her. This man was confident and calm, and he knew her so well, but he was not a mind reader, for Christ's sake. Why didn't she at least talk to him?

When she tried to go after him after the usual business at the end of tape night had settled, she found out that he had already left. She then decided that this was probably fate telling her to clean up her mess with her boyfriend first before going after him, so that when she finally showed up on his doorstep, she at least had cleared out the last boundary in their way.

So she went home, made a very confused Tate sit down on the couch and laid it all out: that, while she was of course sad about the turn the storyline on the show had taken, this wasn't the reason for her being so sad on this night and so distant on the ones before, but that it had been that she had realized that she saw him as more of a friend than as a lover. That it had been like that for her for quite a while, but that she had not been able to admit it to herself earlier. That she could not be more sorry about the fact that it took a third person to make her realize what this was.

She had contemplated to save him the heartbreak of admitting to that fact, but with the urgency of her feelings and the fact that she would never be able to wait until the next day to talk to him, she not really saw a point there.

Tate, always the gentleman, took is relatively well. While she could tell he was heartbroken, he admitted that he had kind of seen it coming and that he had a pretty good idea, even without her giving him a name, who that other guy was. And since he knew that it would probably be a complicated one, he also promised her to not mention this detail to anyone. He still hoped that they would remain friends after the heartbreak had passed, and he never picked himself as one to gossip.

All he wanted, and she was kind of relieved that this went without discussion, was to be alone for the night and have some space to pack up his belongings in the morning.

As her plan had been to go talk to David anyway, she gladly obliged, told him she would stay at Courteney's for the night to not cause him unnecessary pain, and packed some overnight stuff into a duffle bag, before hurrying out of the house.

She had loaded the bag in the trunk of her car and drove over to David's house. She was always going a few miles above speed limit, not wanting to waste another minute, now that she knew where she stood. Remembering his heartbreak from earlier that night, she felt tears starting to form in her eyes again. All she wanted was to bring that beautiful smile back to his face, the special sparkle that seemed to be reserved for her. She wanted to hold him in her arms, tell him she loved him and never let him go again. Every slow driver, every red traffic light just seemed to increase her urgency.

Even though she tried to hurry, she was still being cautious and decided to park her car about a quarter of a mile away from his house and also left the bag for now, not to totally overwhelm him by showing up on his doorstep with an overnight bag.

When she begun to run over, a heavy downpour started that made her pick up her pace. Still, she was completely soaked when she stood outside his door and began to knock frantically.

After some time, the door opened, and her heart broke seeing David's sad face, eyes read from crying. She had done her fair share of crying earlier, too, but she had chosen this road herself. He had never signed up for this heartbreak. To all the excitement she was feeling, she now felt a wave of guilt wash over her. Lost at words, all she could mutter out was "I'm sorry it took me so long. But I am here now.", before throwing herself in his arms, to transpire everything else she wanted to say in one simple kiss.