Bad Dreams

Counsolation-hour with Counselor Troi

“Darkness; Nothing but Darkness. How did I get here? Where am I? Should I shout out for help? Was someone here with me? Was I in danger?
I had no answer to for even one of these questions. The last thing I remembered was that I and an away team – consisting of Captain Picard, Data, Worf and me – went on a planet in order to help the people on it. They had sent a distress signal to us and asked for our help. There could have been injured why the Captain put me into the team. Worf… Data… Jean-Luc… Jean-Luc... Where was he? Was he alright? I wouldn’t forgive myself if he wasn’t alright of even worse if he was… if he was dead. It was silly to reproach myself like that because it wouldn’t have been my fault. Anyway, I didn’t get over making these reproaches. 

Steps. Suddenly I could hear steps. Who came there? This darkness was awful. I felt so helpless. When my visitor reached me I could make out the outlines. I suspected it was a Reman. He hold something in his hand, I wasn’t able to see exactly what it was. ‘Let this be a lesson to you’, the person sag and threw the thing he held in his hand over to me. It fell right into my lap and suddenly I could feel something warm and wet: blood. I touched the thing in my lap: it was a head. When I realized whose head it was, my screams began. ‘Nooooooooo!’ In my hands the lifeless head of Captain Jean-Luc Picard.”

A shudder runs down my spine as I speak about my dream. It is the third night, now, in which this dream haunts my sleep. But I waited till now to speak with ships counselor Deanna Troi about it. Deanna is my best friend and I can tell her everything but I don’t want to put a strain on her with my problems. I don’t know where this dream comes from nor do I know the reason for such a scenario. I just know that it has to do something with Jean-Luc.

“That is a really intensive dream and I think, just like you do, that there is something behind this all. Within this session we are going to find the reason for this dream of yours. Let us start with something easy. Beverly, this Planet you talked about, can you remember that you have ever been on it”, Deanna asks me but I have to think about it first.

No, I can’t remember ever having been on this planet. If there weren’t as many people, who are injured and desperate, it would have been a really beautiful planet but no way in this state. But then something comes up my mind. There was something which was familiar. Those purple flowers that were everywhere, I read about them before. They only grow on one special planet; on the planet of my dream.

“I… I have never been there in person but I read about this planet before.” Deanna would definitely ask more specific about this; which is probably the best. After all, I have to sort everything out with this dream. “Great, maybe you connect something with it. Can you tell me something about the situation you were in, when you first read about this planet, please?” I read about it as a child – that is all I still know. Or do I know a bit more?

I try hard to remember but it is not easy.  I probably tried to forget this moment since I was a child. And suddenly, something comes up my mind. It was at the time when I lost my aunt. Before my grandma raised me, since I was four years old, I lived with her when my parents died. She handed me a book. And in this book I found the planet but I can’t remember the name of it. So, when she died and I lived with my grandma I locked myself in my room and read the chapter about a heavenly planet. I imagined being on this planet and leaving my current life behind. What shall I say, I was just a four years old girl.

“Well, there is something I remember. It isn’t noted in my file but before I lived with my grandma, my aunt raised me. I was four when she died and it hurt me a lot back then. I read about this planet and imagined being on it. Do your think I could connect this wonderful planet with something bad because my aunt died at this time? Within my phantasy I was very fine on this planet.” To me, it doesn’t make sense. Why should I dream something terrible like that about this nice planet? Probably, Deanna knows more about it. “Subconsciously, you know that something bad happened while you read about it. Probably, a bad incident, which lately happened to you, brought this memory back. The question is, did you lately experience something which took you in any kind of way, which hurt you or something in which a person you care about was involved in?”

Did something bad happen to me that took me? No, actually not. Logically, this can’t be the reason for my dream. Did something hurt me? That is a good question. Indirectly, yes. At the Ba’ku home world. Was a person I care about involved in something that could have damaged him or her? Well, in a kind of way, yes. At the Ba’ku home world, too. This person was Jean-Luc. It happened during the evacuation when he went back in order to get Anij. He could have died back there. Could this be the release for my dream? It is not digressive.

“You know, Deanna. There is really something that hurt me and there is something that involves a person I care about, too.”  I don’t want to tell more than necessary, so I just wait for Deanna to say or ask something. I can trust her, I know that. She would never tell anyone things I don’t want other people to know. “If it is fine with you, could you tell me a bit more about it? What hurt you? What happened to that person? You don’t have to tell me names, I don’t demand that. But please respond to my questions.” Deanna is an angle. She is really the best ships counselor I know. Not only because of that but also because she is my best friend I tell her what distresses me.

“You know I trust you, Dee. And of course I want you are able to do your job as well as possible. It is about Ba’ku. The person, who is involved, is Jean-Luc. It was when he went back in order to get Anij, he could have died. It was terrible for me. But what hurt me the most was his relationship with her. I wasn’t able to watch them like this.” I know that she now knows that I feel more for Jean-Luc than normal friendship. Since this incident it is clear to me, too. I probably won’t tell him, though. That would be wrong. I will guard this little secret just to my own – better to say I hold it between Deanna and me.

“It sounds to me like this could be the release for your dream, Bev. Now a whole week is over since we have been there and you are now in the assimilation process – that is totally normal. Of course it is hard to handle this dream but I will help you with it. The more you deal with your dream the better it gets. I advise you to relax a bit. You shouldn’t sleep but just relax. I propose that we meet again in two days and see where we are then. That is as long as it is alright with you. We also could continue tomorrow but I’d rather give you some time because we took a big step today.” That is a really nice idea. Some rest will be good for me; Even if I don’t know what I am going to do, yet. “Since we have a holiday I don’t need to release you from your duties.” I stand up and turn to go. But before I go I look at Deanna again. A smile lies on my lips. “Then I see you in two days, Counselor.” I call her by her title and not her first name on purpose. And with that I leave her counseling office.