Not Another Teen Romance

Chapter 9

Jude's Perspective: All I wanted in that moment was for Connor to stand up for me. For him to get up, and tell Maddie "No, I don't care if you out us to the whole school. I love Jude, and we're going to be together." But he didn't, even though he knows that's what I wanted him to say. He's aware that I wouldn't mind coming out to the school, I'm only keeping our relationship a secret because that's what he wants. Nevertheless, I tell him I'll go to his house after school.

I'm unable to focus in all my other classes. All I could think about was Connor, is he actually considering Maddie's little deal knowing how much pain that would cause me, how much pain it would cause us? He was all I was thinking about in class, but I was still dreading the day to end. I didn't want to have to face that talk with Connor. When I was in seventh grade two years ago, this thing called 'selective mutism' happened to me. I was under so much stress, I couldn't speak, and so much pressure is on me at the moment. I don't want to face that again.

After school, I waited to meet Connor by our bench. Our bench is the one place at school we could be alone. Our safe place. We could hold hands, or sneak the occasional kiss during lunch, but it didn't feel safe today. It felt like the start of an argument.

We walked over to his uncles house in silence. He tried to grab my hand, but I purposefully slipped out of his grip. When we got to his house, we greeted his uncle.

"Hey Uncle Matt," Connor says loudly while shouting this door.

"Hi, kiddo," his uncle responds while walking into the room, "who's this?" He asks, pointing at me. That's when I realize Connor doesn't talk about me, even to his guardian.

"This is Jude, my," he hesitates and clears his throat, "friend." He finishes. My face gets up and my skin turns red.

"Nice to meet you Jude, any friend of Connor's is a friend of mine." He reaches out to shake my hand. I'm furious with Connor, so as I'm shaking Matt's hand, I correct him, "boyfriend." I say.
"What?" He asks, obviously not picking up on my hint.
"I'm Connor's boyfriend. We're dating." Matt's hand stops shaking mine, he's still. He looks at me, then looks at Connor, who's peering down at his shoes. Matt then continues shaking my hand.
"Right." He says solemnly, and he finally lets go. I instantly feel bad about
what I just did. What if his uncle is homophobic too? What if he kicks Connor out?

Connor runs up stairs.
"Connor!" I shout, running after him.
"Why'd you do that?" He yells. I close the door behind me.
"Con, I'm so sorry--"
"Save it! You think I was keeping our relationship a secret just because I felt like it?! I was scared of this." Suddenly, I became angry as well.
"How do you think I felt today. We're you actually considering that stupid deal with Maddie?! I would never participate in that, Con, I don't want to loose you!"
"Stop calling me con!" He shouts, "You think I want to loose you to Maddie?" He says in a more sincere tone, "I don't wan to loose you either Jude. I love you." There it was. Those magical eight letters that made my day. I felt like I was on cloud nine.
"I love you too." I whispered, and I kissed him passionately for 5, 10, 20, 30 seconds. When I let go, I rested my forehead on his and stared into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I'll come out," he says, so quietly I have to ask "what?"
"I'll come out," he says, louder this time, "Jude, I want to be with you. I don't want you to have to be with Maddie, even in a fake relationship." I was crying now, tears of joy.
"You're willing to do that for me?" I ask, my voice trembling.
"I'm willing to do anything for you." He replies.
"I love you," I whisper, "I love you, I love you, I love you." My voice getting louder each time I say it, like I'm getting used to it.
"I love you too." He says, crying, and he kisses me, hard.