Dear Zayn

Dear Happy Zayn

Dear happy Zayn,

Do you remember the good times at midnight when you're laying in bed pondering life? Do happy tears cascade down your face at the rememberence of all the happy faces you created? Do your lips spread from ear to ear as you stare at the ceilling remembering every accomplishment you have achieved? Does forever come into mind  as you are laying happily in bed?

Is the first day of 5 years your  first thought of many? Do you remember waking up on the day of your audition for the X-Factor and feeling so excited, yet so uneasy? Do you remember not wanting to eat anything because you were too nervous to eat, but your mum forced you to? Then, do you remember telling her that it was going to be her fault that you puked in front of hundreds of thousands of people?

Do you remember jumping on the bed I sat in waiting for you? Do you remember kissing my forehead, then my each of my cheeks, and finally my lips? Do you remember the spark with every touch between us, the one you openly admitted about in front of your whole family? Do you remember changing in front of me as I made sexual comments about your perfectly sculpted body? Then do you remember laughing at me for the comments?

Do you remember the drive to Manchester Central? Do you remember telling your mom and I about how nervous you are? Do you remember all the possiblities you came up with that could have happened while you were on stage? Do you remember grasping my hand when Manchester Central came into view?

Do you remember trying to change your mind about auditioning? Do you remember your mum and I pulling you by your hands and encouraging you to not give up? Do you remember kissing me before going into the practice room and kissing me before you went on stage? Do you remember the thrill and nerves you felt as you sang on stage and awaited for the judges feedback? Do you remember coming off stage and being engulfed into a hug by your mum and I? 

Do you then remember being denied then accepted as a group? Do you remmeber the happiness you felf and excitement for was to come? Do you remember the weeks after the auditon as you guys performed various times together? 

Do you remember the video diaries, your first single, the fun, and the love you shared with four boys who became more or less your brothers? Do you remember creating and releasing your four albums together? Do you remember the thrill of performing on stage together? Do you remember the happy faces that stood in the crowd cheering you all on? Do you remember everything? Do you remember all the good you had, all the good you just threw away because you are stressed?

Do you even remember me, your girlfriend, who comes over everyday and leaves something on your table in hopes of seeing you? Is our happiness real and forever, or will that also be replaced with sadness and an end?

Is this the end, or is this a new beginning of endings? 

Love,

Diana.