Dear Zayn

Love Me

I don't think I've ever been in a more vulnerable position than right now. I'm placing all my hearts trust into Zayn's hands. Soon,at 5:30 pm, I'll either be crushed or elated. My heart will either remain in tact or be shattered across the floor. I just pray Zayn won't let me down.

Getting ready for this one meet up is like getting ready for Zayn and I's first date all over again. I get ready by 2:30 pm and anxiously find anything to make time pass by. Despite everything I do to make time go faster, it doesn't.

Time drags on and I find myself hanging upside down counting the ceiling tiles. Every hour passes on as if it's a day and slowly I feel as if I'm going to go insane.

Finally, five o'clock comes and I straighten up my hair and clothing. I slip on a pair of white sandals and grab my Vera Bradley purse. I slip out the door and begin toward the restaurant. I can only imagine what Zayn has in store for an outfit choice. He always has surprised me like that.

The weather is nearly perfect and there is hardly any traffic, which makes getting across the city streets a breeze. Ahead of me the sun is slowly setting, but still high in the sky. The wind blows past me and ruffles up my hair. I almost want to curse the wind, but then again, Zayn always told me how beautiful I look with my hair disheveled by the wind.

I can vaguely see the sign of the restaurant and my stomach begins feeling queasy. As much as I've missed Zayn I can't help but to feel like he hates me. I feel as though he is going to crash me down ever so softly that it only hurts when I'm alone.

I reach the restaurant and walk inside with my eyes wandering for Zayn. The hostess raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn't ask any questions.

"Have you seen a black haired boy with, um, tattoos up his arms?" As I ask I hear the door behind me open and close. I turn around slowly to see a girl with blond hair sitting on her shoulders. Her face is pale and her eyes are hollow. She opens her mouth to speak, but stops.

"What's the matter Caroline?" His voice gently asks. His hand lands in Caroline's and his mouth on her cheek. Before I get to believing in invisible to him his eyes lock with mine and his mouth forms an 'o.'

"I guess it was easy, wasn't it?" The words escape my mouth and tears threaten to fall. Shortly after the tears dry and the ache in my chest turns into firing rage.

"Diana, what are you doing here?" The million dollar question and instantly I realized he hadn't read a single one of my letters. I had been writing to no one and wasted my time.

"W-why didn't you read my letters?" The tears come back, but still don't fall. Silence falls upon us and the hostess still stands watching and listening.

"Why are you here Diana?" Zayn presses again. He's not holding Caroline's hand anymore.

"You were supposed to be here to talk things out with me." The words come out softly, but loud enough for him to hear.

"But in order for you to know that, it would require you to read the letters I placed on your table. You'd have to remember I exist at all. I guess breaking up with the band meant breaking up with me too? Sorry I didn't get the hint." The words escape as almost a vomit.

"No Diana. I love you. I just need time." Desperation creeps into his voice. I'm not even sure if I want to stay and listen.

"Time to date other girls? Time to hangout and sing with an asshole? Time for me to get over you so you can blame it all on me? "

Fuck you Zayn. Fuck you and your beautiful brown eyes that I love so much. Fuck you and the tattoos that litter your body; the tattoos I love and hate so much.

"No-" I push past him before I make a fool of myself and cry. I walk swiftly home on an empty stomach and broken heart.

Why?