Beyond Death

×Chapter Four×

As he stared quizzically at the light in front of him, Ivanov recalled moments from his past, mainly from his adolescence. Ivanov remembered his very first kiss, in a back alley near the High School he attended. The moment flashed into his mind, the sheer emotion of it, the unison of their heartbeats. Briefly, he felt the sensation on his cold lips, after the sudden kiss by the girl, the both never talked again. As a matter of fact, even though Ivanov felt pure euphoria, the girl ran away because she was dared to do such an act. The very next day, when Nikolai walked into the classroom, the first thing he saw and heard was a group of girls gossiping with Anelia in the center of it talking about how embarrassing it was, while kissing him she sensed disgust and guilt for wasting her time with a pathetic man like him. Ivan just stood there, in the front of the door, and once the girls saw him staring at them, the whole group began laughing, with Anelia chortling the loudest. Nikolai sighed to himself, pained inside his shrinking soul as he heard them make fun of him, and swiftly left the classroom with tears running down his cheeks. The last time Ivan felt love burning inside his heart was two years ago when he was 19, at the time he used to talk to this girl, Katarina was her name. They were good friends and with this friendship the feeling of adoration rapidly ignited. But not only did this make Ivan feel guilt, but he also fell into a deep melancholy as he got reminded of how he was humiliated. After thinking about what to do, Ivanov came to the conclusion that he should just cut ties with Katarina, from the day he stopped talking to her Nikolai's melancholy worsened, making him more lethargic, his medication for his psychosis weren't as effective as they used to be, and so Nikolai became who he is now.
"Happy moments turn into sad memories, sad memories turn into life lessons, yet I've never learned anything from my past. I should head home, it's late, enough thinking. Samson must feel lonelier than me.." Ivan got off the bench and began heading towards his apartment. While walking, a sudden deja vu struck Ivan when he encountered another insomniac sitting on a bench and staring at the ground. The man ignored the light in front of him, in reality the light was dimmer, Ivan pitied the man so he sat by his side, in the same position but instead of looking at the ground Ivan looked at his face. He looked sad, sadder than Ivan, and in a deep state of pondering. The man wore an overcoat, under it Ivan could see a turtleneck shirt, but the thing that stood out the most were his dark blue pants that tightened around his calves. His messy hair complimented his frowned face with a small and feminine nose, small, black eyes and thin lips. Moving his head to the right, his sight was greeted with Ivan's staring, although for him it felt uncomfortable, he tried to be as polite as he could.
"Good afternoon, mister, do you need something?" His voice sounded childish, as a matter of fact, he looked to be about 16.
Ivan responded with his rough voice. "Hello, what might be the reason for your sadness? Do you suffer inside of you and don't know how to express it? Tell me, young man, don't be shy."