iridescent ;; poems

hero/villain prompt

i hated you.
i hated your smirk. your swagger. your ideals. everything you stood for.
because it was the opposite of what i stood for,
and to ruin you was my purpose.

so when i began to not hate you,
when i saw the pain under that mask,
the child under that façade,
the humanity in those eyes,
i began to hate myself.
because if not targeted at you, where would all my hate go?
without this hate, i would lose myself. my purpose.
this hate was the foundation of everything i was.
so i redirected it inwards.

i really did love you.
and even though i promised you we would fill each others' missing pieces,
what we really did was ruin each other for anyone else.
that was fine by me, anyway.
you were really ever the only one for me.
i don't know if you would say the same.

that night when you shattered my entire being,
my roiling hate exploded.
it turned into a weapon of rage and bitterness.
and in my ensuing grief for what i thought we were,
endless stars exploded.
endless galaxies were destroyed.
endless universes ripped at the seams.
all in my mind.

you once said you would break me.
you once said you would deconstruct me
and rebuild me from the bottom up to fit you.
to fit your life.
and i almost agreed.
but that night, it wasn't a methodical disassembly.
it was a wrecking ball of hellfire
that you orchestrated and created with your own two hands
and launched straight at my heart.

did you enjoy the way it played out?
did you laugh at the expression on my face?
and when you decimated me,
all of my purpose was extinguished
except the one i had originally,
the one i should have kept,
the one i ignored even though it called to me,
the one that would get me through the rest of my days.

because i still believed in you.
i see now that i was wrong.
my hate always should have been pinpointed at you.

the flaring passion i once had for you
became cold indifference.
my heart turned to ice,
my chest to stone.
are you happy about that?
don't worry. you really did ruin me for anyone else.
i never let anyone else into my heart.

we were two flames burning fiercely and beautifully,
but maybe we loved too much.
maybe it was me loving too much,
bringing about our end faster.
because we were destined to burn out,
as all matches do,
and those that burn brighter die faster.

even as i watch you laying on the dirt
with my knife in your chest,
my soul of marble cracks.
your now-glassy eyes once held promises of a world i wished to see.
you are the one whose life force is leaking out
but invisible cuts have been appearing along my body for years
and they have never stopped bleeding once.

you're still my everything.
even when i shortened our fuse.
even when you pulled the trigger.
even when we're nothing at all.

i thought i would dedicate my life to ruining you,
but i ended up ruining myself instead. 

a/n: this was a poem i wrote based on a prompt, which was "hero falling in love with a villain"